


Coup de Grâce

by ThroneofMist



Series: Two Sides of the Same Coin [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Side Rey, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Finns going to have a proper storyline here because it is what he deserves, Fix-It, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, I’ll add more tags later, Kira Ren is a chaotic evil badass, POV Alternating, Rewrite, Role Reversal, Tags Are Hard, Very Very Slow Burn, because i love them, because im sorry but the sequels just didn't do it for me, ben’s a sarcastic idiot, it's a slow burn, when I say it's a slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:00:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23586517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThroneofMist/pseuds/ThroneofMist
Summary: Kira Ren is determined to wipe the Jedi out of existence. She leads the Knights of Ren at the helm of Supreme Leader Snoke’s command. The beautiful blade he wields to scythe down the Resistance.Ben Solo tried to flee from the Resistance, building up a new reputation as the galaxy’s most notorious smuggler. But when he’s dragged back in, he begrudgingly takes his uncle’s title in Luke’s absence.Basically a retelling of the sequels where Rey is a badass, ruthless, out for blood First Order Commander and Ben is a scruffy smuggler. Aka Kira Ren and Kylo Ren are hotter than Ben and Rey
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey
Series: Two Sides of the Same Coin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1739779
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	1. Crink?

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantine boredom results in dark reylo fic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben vibes in the desert. Kira Ren vibes in her dark rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapters so short, they’ll be getting longer from now on :)

Ben

  
“We’re never coming anywhere with sand ever again,” I mutter down to the rusty R9 beside me. The droid beeps in agreement as it hums beside me. “I don’t care how well Dameron pays. Never again.” 

The R9-T1 beeps, mocking me. “Yeah, I _know_ how  well they pay us now. You don’t need to remind me.”

I pull down my hood when we come over the sand dune, skidding down the hill. I snort at the sight of the freighter waiting in the sand for me. Well, mostly at the pilot lounging on the hood, legs dangling off of the side.

“Solo!” Dameron laughs as he jumps down, landing with a soft thud in the sand. It sprays everywhere. R9 hisses as he spins, grains of sand flying everywhere. “Sorry buddy,” Poe grins, patting the droid before he slaps me on the shoulder.

I grimace before I shrug his shoulder off. “What do you want Dameron? This better be good. I fucking hate Jakku.”

“Relax,” the pilot laughs, raking a hand through his shaggy dark hair. “Just in need of my favourite, most handsome smuggler.”

Rolling my eyes, I cock my head at him. “A life of solitude has made you cold, my friend,” Poe shakes his head, a grin still plastered over his face. I’ve never seen Poe not smiling. He’s in a constant state of amusement. If I didn’t mind him, it would be frustrating.

“I’ve got a list,” he says as he sticks his head in his ship, rifling around. “Of shit the general wants.” When he comes back out, his hair’s sticking up in all directions.

“You know, I didn’t leave the resistance just so you could have a direct line to scrap parts,” I frown as I read through the list. At least it’s all manageable this time. They asked for a goddamn CX-19 compressor last time.

“Yeah, it was because you can brood better alone on your ship with your droid than back at home with us. I know, I know,” Poe smirks, patting my shoulder again before he starts climbing back up into his ship. The word home makes me feel slightly ill.

I wish that was why I left. Not because of that feeling I always got. Like I was wearing a mask. Like everyone expected this great legend, the son of Leia Skywalker and Han Solo. None of them could ever hide their disappointment.

I’m not great at flying like Dameron. I’m a shitty soldier unless I’m using the force. And it wasn’t like I could train anyone in the force either. I can’t just explain to people the way I listen to the force. I just do it. Like I’ve always done it.

The way I’ve done it since Skywalker shut down his academy.

And then there was that  _darkness_.  Whether I was eating with Poe in the messhall, or in a meeting with my mother, it didn’t care when it happened. It would just seize through my veins, chilling and haunting. When that darkness appeared, it was like I couldn’t breathe.

Not like it’s gone away since I’ve left. But at least now I can deal with it in private. No more running out of meetings, clutching my head and physically restraining myself from tugging my hair out. No more trying to explain that I don’t know what it is to my mother. That I  don’t know how to get rid of it. That maybe I don’t want to get rid of it.

“You know she wants you to come back,” Poe says softly as he sticks his head out the window, looking down at me with soft eyes. I hate it when he does that. I don’t reply, just fold up the list and start to walk back to my ship. “Comm me when you’ve got all of it,” Poe calls after me. I throw him a thumbs up as I keep walking. “Don’t forget the flight stabilisers this time asshole!”

I pause when Poe’s ship dashes across the featureless sky, watching him until he disappears. Sighing, I pull my hood back up and continue towards my ship, a HWK-290 light freighter that’s definitely seen better days. But it flies and has a place for me to sleep. And I guess that’s all it needs.

R9 beeps urgently when we reach the ship and I groan in response, picking the list back out of my pocket. I forgot to ask how much they’re paying me for this shit. R9 grumbles that this is the second time I’ve done this and I frown, leaving him to climb into the ship on his own.

I pull my cloak off, chucking it over the table before I drop down into a seat next to it, face in my hands. “I know,” I breathe when R9  slides into the room. “I know they don’t pay us enough and I know the First Order’s on the lookout. You don’t have to remind me every second, alright?”

R9 gives a beep which sounds a lot like a scoff before he comes up beside me. “I don’t feel _indebted_ to them,” I frown. “It’s just...I left them, okay? And, I guess this is the least we can do.”

R9 starts beeping again, and I’m about to tell him that we’ll demand more money this time when it pulls at my gut. That  darkness.

It’s overwhelming, encasing my whole mind, my whole body. It’s so cold, hissing through my blood. Groaning, I grip onto the seat, bashing my head against the table. “Fuck. Off,” I hiss through gritted teeth. And then the darkness does something it’s never done before.

The darkness speaks.

Kira Ren

I jolt awake, sitting up straight in a pool of sweat. Breathing ragged, I scowl. It’s that  lightness. It’s been coming and going for years, but it’s never  woken me up before.

Shoulders tending and fists tightening, I sit up and slide out of bed, storming over to my bathroom. Flicking water in my face, I try and ignore that burn that seethes through my heart.

It’s always searching, the pesky light, like it’s constantly looking for something it thinks I have. I thought it was a force thing at the beginning. But when I asked our trainer he looked at me like I was mad. I never brought it up again. I learned very quickly that I wouldn’t get anywhere if I opened my mouth during training.

I glance up at my reflection in the mirror. And now here I am.

Sometimes in my weakest moments, normally when that vexing light appears, I wonder what would’ve happened if the First Order hadn’t ever found me. If Snoke hadn’t decided he wanted more siths. If they’d never detected me. If Snoke hadn’t realised that I was the child who’s parents were murdered by the Resistance in an attempt to slander the First Order’s name.

Burn an entire village to nothing but ashes and bodies. Blame the First Order.

If I’d been left alone on that forsaken desert planet I probably would’ve died too, buried under the wind with my parents.

Blinking, I look away from my reflection, gripping onto my sink. And then I shove. With all my might, I claw at that light, desperately trying to push it out of me.

And then I hear something.

I freeze, holding my breath. It’s fuzzy and faint. But I can hear it. It’s a man’s voice. Deep and hoarse. 

And it’s telling me to _fuck off_.

What in...crink...who the fuck is that? How is there a-

“Did you just say  _crink_?” It sounds amused.

“Who are you?” I hiss, this time out loud. I slowly lower myself down onto the tiled floor, needing to feel something solid.

“I’ve not heard anyone say crink in years. Isn’t that an Outer Rim thing?”

“Are you doing this to me?” I try, voice feeling sorry as I dig my nails into the ground. “This light?”

But then the light disappears, fading from my blood and my breath, and the voice disappears along with it.

Leaning against the wall, I let my head fall into my hands. I’m going mad. I don’t move when there’s a knock on the door. If I don’t speak they normally just go away. They never want to risk it.

But the knocking doesn’t stop.

Scowling, I summon my mask from where I discarded it last night, flinging it over my face before I wave my hand, the door sliding open. I learned the hard way that there wasn’t any easy way that I could have my soldiers respect and also be a women. So the soldiers just know me as the Master of Ren. They all assume I’m a man under my mass of black cloaks. I don’t correct them.

It’s better this way. It’s already frustrating enough having Hux insinuate that maybe it’s just my time of the month every time I threaten to take his head off with my lightsaber.

There’s a sole stormtrooper outside, awkwardly shifting their weight from foot to foot. “Commander,” they say, back straightening. “We’ve located the map.” 

“Where?” I ask, feeling the buzzing excitement course through my veins. Finally. The Resistance won’t have a leg to stand on after we crush this. This simpering hope that Luke Skywalker will come to save all. Pathetic.

“Jakku, Commander,” the stormtrooper says. “With a priest, Lor San Tekka. We’re waiting for your order.”

“Set course for Jakku,” I grind out, the restlessness that had been settling over me turning into enthusiasm. The stormtrooper nods before I shut the door in their face, spinning around to let out a yell of elation.

Finally. The Resistance will be wiped out finally. I’ll avenge my parents, and true balance will be restored to the galaxy again. Everything will be as it should.

As I get dressed, the light vanishes from my mind, too consumed by the need to find this forsaken map.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3


	2. Ground is Black and Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira Ren and Ben meet. Kira Ren and Ben don’t like each other.

Ben

My fingers still on the accelerator. Glancing around, I push up out of my seat, making my way towards the back of the ship.

R9 hisses at me, impatient and tired of looking at endless sand. “I feel something,” I murmur, tapping my fingers on the glass window. “The force wants me to follow.” R9 snorts. I lightly kick it as I grab my cloak to protect my face from the harsh desert wind. “You don’t have to come with me,” I tell it as I jump down from the ship.

I start off, walking into the nothingness. I don’t check behind me, but I can hear R9 whirring angrily from a couple of meters behind. I let my feet move on their own, feeling the force jump from finger to finger.

Crink.

I should probably be cautious of that voice in my head. But it had been so intriguing. It was smooth and cold, yet there had been hints of viciousness. Poison.

Like the Kewafi flowers that had grown in one of the resistance’s greenhouses. They were beautiful, big pale blue petals that looked almost like water. The flower commanded attention. And when I was seven I almost made the mistake of picking one. Mother had to explain that they shot poisonous darts as soon as they were touched. They had to be dealt with with care.

That’s what the darkness had sounded like.

I assume this means that the darkness isn’t just a superficial void set on taunting me like I first thought. Maybe it’s another person. A girl. And somehow we’ve managed to catch ourselves in some sort of a mind loop. I’ll just have to find someone who can get rid of it.

As we come to a high sand dune, small huts appear on the horizon. I squint at them through the waves of heat, sighing as I continue forward. While I’m not exactly thankful for the force, or for my Jedi training, I’m not one to ignore it when it calls me.

Humming, I tap my fingers on my blaster that hangs on my belt. Sometimes I wish that the resistance didn’t exist. Other times I wish that the First Order didn’t exist. Mostly I just wish that I didn’t exist.

That suffocating thought’s kept quiet for the last five years, since I took off in the middle of the night. Being a smuggler’s easier than working under my mother’s hand. Shipping off clandestine cargo is easier than commanding soldiers. It’s easier, frankly, to not give a shit than to care too much.

And so I did what my father did. I left on a ship and didn’t look back.

When we get to the outskirts of the cluster of small huts, I pause, looking down at R9. “Well it’s not like it gives me a direct map,” I growl down at the droid as I scratch the back of my neck. “It’s more of a _feeling_.” R9 beeps, clearly vexed and he doesn’t stop until I venture further into the small village.

No one seems to be awake, I gather as I peer into the dark huts, no sound coming from them. R9 beeps quietly and I sigh, turning around to face it with folded arms. “Look, it’s not like we’ve got anywhere else to-” But the droid cuts me off, beeping again before he whirls towards a hut slightly off to the side.

I follow the droid, tilting my head at the golden light pouring out of the hut’s thin windows. Taking a shaky breath in, I laugh at R9. “Here goes nothing, buddy,” I mutter before I knock on the door.

It opens on its own, but no one’s standing in the threshold. “Hello?” I call out as I shoulder the door open further, sticking my head inside. My fingers dance on my blaster. Ready.

But my hand drops when I see the man sitting in the middle of the hut, legs crossed and eyes welcoming. He sits in front a soft fire, flames leaping and jumping into the air. “Ben,” he smiles. I slowly enter the hut, the door falling shut behind me, as I stare at Lor San Tekka in front of me.

“How?” I start, gaping at him. “Why are you…” I trail off as he stands, the flames casting dancing shadows across him. I haven’t seen San Tekka for years. Not since I went with him and Skywalker to Elphrona, to find the old Jedi outpost. Where we met the Knights of Ren.

My uncle didn’t kill them that day, when they tried to claim the old outpost for their own gain, but maybe he should have. From what I’ve heard, the new Master of Ren is a stone-cold tyrant. I heard he slaughters children for enjoyment, forces villages to pick who dies first before he kills them off one by one.

“Why?” I breathe shakily as San Tekka places a hand on my shoulder. “The force it-”

“I know,” the old man nods, leading me closer to the comforting heat of the fire. “Ben, you must make this right,” he says, pulling his cape closer over himself.

“Make what right?” I ask as R9 comes up beside me, beeping inquiringly.

“I have travelled too far and seen too much to ignore all the despair in the galaxy. Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the force, young Solo.”

I try and restrain the urge to groan. “ _Respectfully_ ,” I start, biting the inside of my cheek. “I don’t do that anymore.” San Tekka looks at me with wide eyes, tilting his head at me. “I left the resistance, I’m just a-”

“Ben,” he says, rifling in his pockets. “You must find your uncle. It is the only way,” he adds as he pulls out a small brown bag and pushes it into my hand, closing my fist. “Bring balance back to the galaxy.”

“Look,” I start, peering into the bag to see a small chip. “I really don’t-”

Suddenly R9 starts beeping erratically, not shutting up when I push it away. “It’s the only way,” San Tekka says again until he looks out one of the windows, throat bobbing slightly. I turn, following his eye line, and pale when I see a command shuttle soaring through the dark sky.

“Shit,” I mutter as I jump up. “We’ve got to get out of here,” I say to San Tekka, holding out a hand to help him up. I frown when he shakes his head, smiling up at me as he stays where he is. “The map,” he says, warning dripping into his normally calm tone.

Nodding, I make to leave, guilt pulling at my gut. I pause at the door, desperately trying to ignore the panicked cries sounding from all the huts around us. “The Resistance thanks you for your service,” I say, the words falling out almost instinctively before I’m running from my old friend, R9 whirring beside me.

My legs slam against the ground, the familiar jolt surrounding me. Resistance, maps, Skywalker – I’ve tried to forget all of that for the past five years. But running? I’ve been doing this since I can remember. I silently urge R9 to go quicker as I hear the roaring of the shuttle’s engine behind us. Then I hear shots being fired. I can’t even see our ship yet.

Cursing myself, I stop running, bending down towards R9 as I fumble with the brown bag. R9 protests as I slide the chip into one of his sockets, clamping my hand over it before he tries to eject it out. “I know buddy, I know,” I nod, patting the droid. “But this is more important than either of us, okay? I need you to get it to my mother. Can you do that?”

The droid doesn’t respond. I flinch when someone screams, a grating sound in my ear. “I need you to do this for me,” I beg, gripping the droid tightly. “Please.”

It finally whirrs in agreement and I sigh in relief. “Go,” I tell it before I straighten up, facing the crowd of storm troopers as they drag people out of their homes. “ _Go._ I’ll cover you,” I hiss down at the droid, pulling my blaster from it’s holster as I watch R9 whir away into the distance.

Here we go.

Kira Ren

Fingers tightening under my leather gloves, I order the troopers to find the old priest. Screams surround me like a great symphony, accompanied by the bass of the shots ringing out. I watch from the middle of the village as they round up the settlers, rounding them into a small, meek, pathetic herd in front of me.

Captain Phasma stands beside me, blaster at the ready. We wait for San Tekka to be brought forward, but my fingers jolt with energy. Growling from behind my helmet, impatience eats at me. I undo my saber, twirling it in my hands before it lights.

“Come out, San Tekka!” I yell as I stride towards the herd of villagers. “We’ll see how many of your lives he decides is worth wasting for the resistance,” I say to the people, watching as they cower before me.

My saber hisses in the hot air. “Come. Out,” I say again. There’s no movement. I drive the red, crackling light into a woman in the middle of the crowd. She doesn’t have time to cry out. Her knees buckle and she drops to the ground, eyes glassy. None of her fellow villagers attempt to help her. They stand frozen, knees shaking as they watch me cautiously. 

“Wait.” I turn, extinguishing my saber when I see the priest in-between two troopers. They shove him towards me, and the old man stands straight, eyes narrowed. His unflinching honour is infuriating.

“Where’s the map?” I ask calmly, pursing my lips.

“You are so _angry_ ,” the man muses wistfully, cocking his head at me. My breathing slips. “So young, and yet, so much anger.”

“The map,” I repeat through gritted teeth.

“You could have been great, Rey.” I snap at that. How the fuck does this old priest know that? I don’t even realise my saber’s lit until I’m pointing it at him. San Tekka doesn’t even flinch.

“I don’t know anyone by that name,” I hiss, sneering as he narrows his eyes at me. “We know you have the map to Skywalker,” I snarl, muscles tense. “You will give it to me.”

He smiles at me, the wrinkles in his cheeks prominent under the red light of my saber. “No. I don’t think I will.”

I bite down on the scream that threatens to rip through me and instead lift up my saber. It hums a low, hasty tune as I bring it down, cutting across the priest’s skin. He crumples, falling to the sand with a soft thud.

I don’t have time to relish in his death as an outraged cry sounds from beside me. I snap my head towards the noise, grabbing the shot with the Force as a young man runs towards me, determination sketched across his handsome features. I hit the next shot with my saber and stalk towards him, grinning under the helmet as I catch him mid sprint.

His face contorts with wild rage as I step up towards him. For some reason, the sight of his face catches me off guard. I’ve never seen him before, but, there’s something about him that sets off a blaze in my blood.

“You,” I mutter, watching as he narrows his eyes. I can sense San Tekka on him. “The old man gave it to you.” He doesn’t respond for a second, and I tilt my head at him, curious. Who is this man?

“Sorry, are you talking to me?” he finally says, voice hoarse but full of arrogance. “I can’t really understand you under that stupid-” Waving my hands, I roll my eyes as he limps. I let him crash onto the ground instead of catching him with the Force.

I tell Phasma to bring him onto the ship with us as I stride back inside. “Commander.” I pause, looking back at Phasma over my shoulder. “The remaining settlers?” she asks. I glance back at the horde of people shivering in the dry dessert. They cling to each other.

My eyes fall onto a child, hidden behind a man’s legs. She’s watching me, tiny hands clutched into tiny fists. Her eyes are painted in seething hatred as she watches us. My lip curls. “Eradicate them,” I command before I continue up onto the ship, gesturing for the troopers carrying the young man to follow me.

Eye twitching, I glare at the man as the troopers drop him onto the metal floor. He’s conventionally attractive, I suppose. Square jaw, disheveled dark hair, constellations of freckles across his pale face.

I glance away, eternally glad for the mask I’m wearing. I can feel the heat blushing against my face. Scowling, I turn away from the man, boots clanging against the metal as I walk towards the cock-pit. “Full speed,” I tell them as I grip the back of the pilot’s seat, holding my heavy head up high.

Glancing out the windows, I watch as the village burns, the smoke fading into the dark, drab sky. With each flame we get closer to smoking the Resistance out.


	3. Blood Red Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira Ren tortures Ben. Ben comes to a realisation.

Ben

I wake up in a cold sweat. Gasping for breath, I instinctively move forward. At least, I try to move forward. Hissing, I glare down at the bonds around my wrists. Struggling against them to no avail, I let out a groan, dropping my head back as my body goes limp.

I don’t notice him sitting across from me until he clears his throat. He’s no longer bundled up in that sea of black anymore, just straight black trousers and a black tunic. That fucking saber dangles at his side, the sight of it making my throat close up. He killed San Tekka. Just cut him down like a farmer cutting crops. No hesitation. No warning.

“I thought you’d be taller.” He doesn’t say anything back. “I mean, from all the stories they tell about you. Thought the new Master of Ren would have at least a bit of meat on him.”

I watch as he stands up slowly, lifting the helmet off of his head.

A girl who can’t be older than twenty glares back at me. My breath hitches slightly. She’s beautiful. But menace surrounds her like a dark cloud.

Her painted-red lips grin, revealing rows of perfect teeth. Her bright, bold eyes watch me as she takes a step closer. A strand that’s fallen from her braided bun waves in front of her face.

“My apologies,” I say, the calmness of my voice surprising me. “I didn’t realise the most infamous butcher in the galaxy was so beautiful.”

“I wish I could say the same about the infamous smuggler,” she purrs through those perfect red lips. It’s as if her lips are stained in blood. Like she’s just ripped their throats out with her teeth. “Ben Solo,” she whispers my name against my ear, her breath cold.

“I don’t-” Her hand shoots up and I growl out in pain. I can feel her rifling through my mind. The feral grin on her lips only grows. “Oh Ben,” she sighs. I clamp my eyes shut, fighting against the bonds as imaginary nails scrape across my mind.

“Lonely, lonely Ben. No one wants Ben Solo. Do they? Not dear Leia. Certainly not your father. Didn’t he abandon the Republic…why it must have been before I was even born.” She pauses and I feel her stepping away. When I tentatively open my eyes she’s watching me carefully. “Don’t tell me that’s why you became a smuggler?” I frown. “Oh, look at how pink you’ve gone,” she laughs. “How pathetic,” she spits, beautiful face clouding over as she leans against the wall.

“Where’s the map?” she asks, kissing her teeth. I don’t reply. My head’s splitting from her prying hands, a sharp thud that resonates around my whole body. “Don’t be a fool,” she says when I don’t respond. “We both know that I’m going to find Skywalker.” She comes towards me, bracing her hands on the metal bindings across my wrists.

“If you cooperate, you’ll be pardoned for all your crimes. All your debts. I’ll personally make sure they all go away.” I scoff, leaning forward. We’re almost touching.

“I’m in _a lot_ of debt, Commander.” Her dark eyes narrow, brows pinching in frustration. She stays there for a minute, before she snarls in irritation, lashing out with the Force. But this time I’m ready.

She slowly turns, eyes locking onto mine as she thrashes against my mind, scrapping against the thin wall I’ve thrown up to protect myself. “Not fully trained,” she mutters as she pulls back, turning away from me. She says it so quietly that I don’t even know if it’s directed at me.

Rolling her shoulders back, she presses the helmet back over her head, that beautiful face disappearing under the old mask. “I hope you enjoy your time with us, Ben Solo,” she says, the mask distorting her voice again. “Since you’re so reluctant to assist us,” she says as she places a hand on the door. “I’m afraid we’ll have to rely on other measures.” And with that she leaves, and two storm troopers enter, an IT-O hovering beside them.

I drop my head back and sigh, wishing there was a way to shove my own mind out.

Kira Ren

The cold marble causes my knee to ache, but Snoke doesn’t say I can stand, so I stay kneeling before his hologram.

“We can hold him as a hostage,” I try and suggest, my voice wavering as I keep my eyes trained on the floor. My reflection stares back up at me, pathetic and frail. I haven’t told Snoke about the raw energy I sense in the young man. How the Force had beckoned me as I slipped into his mind while he was unconscious, raking through his memories. Initially, I was searching for the map, but his pain had distracted me. I watched with him as his father left him. How although his mother was still there, she was never really there. He woke up before I could find the map. “His mother-”

“General Organa would never put personal feelings or issues before her rebellion,” Snoke snarls, his cold voice vicious. “Your ineptitude continues to amaze me, Kira Ren.”

“My Lord, although not fully trained, Solo is very-”

“Fifteen years!” Snoke yells. I flinch, but don’t dare look up. Never look up. “I have been training you for fifteen years and you cannot even hold your own before the son of a smuggler. You remain to disappoint me. I had great hopes for you, Kira Ren.” My throat bobs as I spread my hands out on the floor, craving balance. “Yet you constantly stand to prove me wrong.”

“I will find the location of Luke Skywalker, my Lord,” I say, breathing even albeit strained. “I swear it.” When Snoke doesn’t respond, I glance up, locking onto his eyes. Lord Snoke watches me through silted eyes, leaning forward, hand under his chin.

As a child, Snoke terrified me. He towered over me, constantly studying me, like a fox waiting for its prey to screw up. When I woke up in the dead of night, shivering with wet eyes, it was always because of Snoke. He haunted me, his pale blistered skin like something out of a nightmare.

But as I grew older, it wasn’t his appearance that petrified me. It was disappointing him. Because then came the punishments.

When I was thirteen and training against another one of Snoke’s older apprentices, I faltered. He had knocked me down, and stood on my right arm. He’d broken it. But I hadn’t yelped out in pain or given up, like I so desperately wanted to. I clenched my jaw and summoned the practice staff to my left hand. I’d whacked the apprentice over the head and gotten back on my feet, managing to win with my worse hand.

Afterwards, Snoke hadn’t congratulated me. He said I needed to improve faster if I was to become what he knew I could. When I’d asked him if I could go to the medical bay for my arm, he grinned.

He kept my arm broken for two months. Said I had to work on my left arm. That I had to have equal strength everywhere. Every time I failed, he broke my arm a tiny bit more. Until he was satisfied with my progress and he allowed the healers to fix the bone.

He still terrifies me, but I understand now that I deserve the punishments. That I need them to make me better. Make me stronger.

“I won’t let you fail me again, Kira Ren,” Snoke says, dangerous warning painting his tone. I nod stiffly before his hologram disappears. I let out a shaky breath before I stand, my leg protesting.

My fists clench and unclench as I storm through the Finalizer. The door to Solo’s cell flies open, revealing two troopers on either side while an IT-O slowly reveals a knife, aiming it at Solo’s stomach.

His dark eyes flash up to meet mine, weary and tired yet still swirling with that unbeatable determination. “That’s enough,” I say, dismissing the troopers. The droid slowly backs away from Solo, spinning away when Solo spits at it, bloody saliva dripping down the metal.

Disgusting. I wait until the door slides shut behind them before I unfasten my helmet, dropping it onto the slim metal bench at the side.

“Those droids are real affectionate, huh?” Solo grunts, groaning slightly. He looks like shit. The interrogation droid hasn’t left any clear marks. No blood. But he’s pale, the blue veins in his neck contrasting the bleached skin. His eyes are dark, circles that look tattooed on surrounding them.

“You hold no loyalties to the Resistance” I say, cocking my head. “Why are you so adamant to protect them?” I’ve never seen any withstand an IT-O before.

“What’s more fun?” he asks, licking his dry lips. “Selling out the resistance? Or pissing you off?” he throws me a lopsided grin that doesn’t leave his face as I storm up close to him.

“What’s more fun?” I hiss, pursing my lips. “Breaking every bone in your fingers or slicing you open from the,” I pause, eyes dropping down to his groin. “Upwards?” He laughs hoarsely, shaking his head like he’s joking with an old friend.

“Take me out for a drink first at least,” he murmurs, fingers flexing under the bindings. I take a step back, trying to not let the ire burning underneath my skin to show.

I lash out for his mind, ripping down the shield he’s thrown up. He barks out in pain, head slamming against the metal chair. Eyes fluttering shut, I hunt. He groans under my mental hold, writhing in his bindings. I let out a small sound of glee when I find it, clamping my invisible hands on it.

The droid.

Eyes flashing open, I grin at Ben Solo, baring my teeth. He doesn’t say anything as he pants, jaw trembling. “Got you,” I whisper, leaning in close. The scent of oak and burnt coffee drifts towards me.

Solo shudders, clenching his jaw before I retreat. I saunter away from him, grabbing my helmet as I make my way towards the door.

And then I freeze. He slams into my mind, a whirlwind of chaos and light. I yell out in frustration, desperately trying to push him out. I slam my shields up over my mind in a second, and spin to face him.

He’s grinning at me, head tilted as he rests back in the chair. “ _Got you_ ,” he breathes. I let the door slam behind me.

Ben

Kira Ren.

So that’s what the beautiful butcher calls herself. At least now I have a name to match the face.

I lean back in the hard chair, head falling back as I listen to her yell outside. She’s smart. Hiding her identity. She’s much more ominous bundled up in all those cloaks, even with the pretentious helmet.

But somehow, I was more terrified when she took the mask off. The lithe figure that was revealed when she undid the cloak. The sharp face, all angles and points. The dark red lips. Those hard, cold eyes.

I listen to her commands and the sound of rushed footsteps. Then it’s silent for a moment, before I hear a loud hissing sound, followed by the smell of burning metal. She’s really easy to piss off. Must make for a shitty commander.

“Crink!” I hear her yell in frustration, before heavy footsteps thud, followed by silence.

No. My breathing hitches. It can’t be. She can’t be. There’s no way in hell that Kira Ren is my darkness.

The Kewafi flower.

“Holy fuck,” I mutter, a shuddering breath leaving me. The Master of Ren is the one in my fucking head. But…this has been happening for years. She’s been in my head for years? Holy fuck. I can’t…all the Resistance plans. Everything I know about them. Does she know too? No she can’t. She asked who I was when we spoke to each other. She also doesn’t know what it is. Fuck, I need to get out of here.

My eyes fly to the door when it opens. But it isn’t Kira. It’s just another interrogation droid, followed by the same troopers. “Round Two already boys?” I ask, smirking before a needle shoots out of the droid, cutting into my neck. Then everything fades to darkness.

When I open my eyes again, everything’s blurry. I blink a couple of times, frowning as I watch a lone trooper stand up from the bench opposite me. “Are you guys watching me sleep now?” I ask, throat burning. I try to swallow, but my mouth’s too dry. Fucking hate those droids.

“You’re being transferred,” the stormtrooper says, working on the bonds around my wrists. “I’m uh…I’m transferring you.” I frown, ready to say something when I fall forward, the clamps on my wrists and ankles undone. I stumble, arms flailing, before I manage to pick myself up.

My brain’s too fuzzy to fight back as the trooper binds my wrists together, leading me out of the room. As we pass through corridors of clinical white, I desperately try and come up with an escape plan. My parents have been in situations like this countless times, right?

I could maybe try to use the Force, but then if I fuck it up and the trooper catches on, he might just knock me out. I could grab the blaster that he’s carrying in his other arm, but there’s so many other people passing us.

Before I can think of anything that might actually work, the guard’s tugging me to the side, gently herding me into what seems to be a drying room of some sorts. Oh. Maybe this is an execution.

Sighing, I try and hold my head high. But as the trooper pulls his helmet off, revealing a young man with wide, desperate eyes, I furrow my brows. What the-

“If you do exactly what I say, I can get you out of here,” his voice falters as he shuts the door behind us. I stare at him blankly, melted brain still trying to understand what’s happening here. “This is a rescue.” He says it so willingly, with that same sort of determination that the Resistance fighters used to fight with.

“You’re with the Resistance?” I ask, cocking my head.

“What?” he asks, shaking his head. “No. No. I’m breaking you out of here. We can get out together.”

“Why?” I ask, heavily suspicious of this man.

“Because,” he starts, eyes bright. “It’s the right thing to do.” I snort. I don’t think this guy even knows why I’m here or who I am, which must mean-

“You need a pilot,” I say deadpan, arching my brows at him. He sighs before he nods begrudgingly. “I need a pilot.”

I laugh even though there’s little amusement in it. “Can you fly a TIE-fighter?” he asks, bouncing slightly as he grins. I wonder how long this guy’s been waiting to get out of here.

“How hard can it be?” I ask, holding out my cuffed hands as he frowns slightly, not convinced at my answer. “Ben,” I say when he shakes my hand.

“FN-2187,” he replies tentatively, his face going slightly lighter with embarrassment.

“Wow, real creative,” I nod, biting my lip as I study him. “You know what?” I start, grinning down at him. “You look like more of a Finn to me.”

“Finn,” the trooper says, glancing down at his hands. “Finn,” he says again, this time with more certainty. “Okay Ben,” Finn nods as he places his helmet over his head again. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“Let’s get us both out of here,” I smile before Finn opens the door, aiming his blaster at my back as he leads me down the corridors once more. Each step towards the hangar feels like it takes years as I follow Finn’s lead. “Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm,” he mutters softly, chanting it like a prayer as we enter the large hangar, troopers and officers walking past us. No one spares us a glance.

“I’m perfectly calm,” I breathe when Finn’s blaster digs into my back slightly harder when a mechanic brushes our shoulders, passing by as he lumbers around a piece of metal.

“What? Oh. I’m talking to myself,” Finn corrects me before we come to the colossal walls of TIE fighters. I repress a frown as I take in the immense number of ships the First Order holds. And just in this hangar. It seems titanic compared to the Resistance bases I grew up on.

No one stops us as we make our way towards a row of ships, Finn quickly unclasping my wrists before he nods. Cracking my neck, I slide into the cockpit, swearing under my breath as I survey the unfamiliar control panel.

“Alright,” I breathe, my fingers lingering on what I’m assuming is the accelerator. “You ready, Finn?” I ask as he climbs in behind me, the hutch clasping shut above us.

“Not particularly,” he laughs nervously. “Shit, this looks complicated,” he mutters as I hear him starting up the laser canons. “Are you sure you can shoot?” I ask as I flick on the engine.

“Are you sure you can fly?” Finn snaps back.

I click my tongue. “Fair enough.” Then I slam down on the accelerator. The ship flies forward and I fall back into the seat, Finn swearing colourfully behind me. I grin as the troopers below us start to yell commands, swarming towards us.

And then the ship catches.

What’s happening?” Finn asks behind from me as I watch the troopers bellows us grab their blasters. And then they aim them straight at us. Great.

Glancing out of the glass, I scowl at the fuel pipe still attachedto the TIE.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” I say, to myself more than Finn as I slam down on the accelerator as hard as I can, pressing any button that even resembles what I used on my old freighter to pick up speed.

I hiss under my breath as the blaster shots hit us repeatedly, First Order workers yelling down below as we swing like a pendulum. “Do you want to try shooting maybe?” I shout back at Finn.

“I’m trying,” he groans back and I listen to him erratically press buttons. Finally, the red light that signals that the cannons are on flashes up at me. “Go, go, go,” I yell behind me. “The cannons are on. Go!”

As soon as Finn fires his first shot, the fuel pipe unlatches and the TIE soars forward, tumbling through the air. Finn shouts out as I desperately try and straighten us up, sweat dripping from my head.

I let out a whoop as we straighten up, flying out of the hanger. “We’ve got to take out the opening,” I tell him as I spin us around, watching as troopers race into more TIE fighters. “So they can’t follow us.”

I keep us moving, dodging shots as Finn shoots at the opening. “The ship only has one missile,” Finn calls back. I frown watching as the TIEs in the hangar start their engines. “Should I use it?”

“Yes,” I yell back, starting to think that this might not have been the smartest idea. Maybe letting Kira Ren torture me would have been a better end that bursting into flames in a crappy First Order fighter with a nervous trooper behind me.

I chuckle when Finn fires, a missile shooting straight towards the entrance, setting the TIEs ready to chase us alight. The hangar erupts into flames and I hit the steering as I laugh. “Amazing, Finn. _Amazing_ ,” I nod as I turn the ship around, making to get away as quickly as possible.

“Ben,” Finn calls from behind me. “They’ve got cannons.”

“For Forces sake,” I hiss, my fingers tightening on the steering as the ship lunges. Damn, this ship was a lot more sensitive than anything I’ve flown in years. “Right,” I say, knees jolting with adrenaline. What would Poe do?

“I’m going to get us close to them,” I yell over the hum of the engine. “You’ve got to take them out, buddy.” Finn doesn’t say anything, but I hear him take a deep breath in. I’ll take that as an okay.

Pushing forward, I get closer to the ship, bringing us up behind the first cannon. “Now!” I yell as I slam on the brakes, watching as red shots fire directly at the cannon. Finn lets out a proud shout. “Fuck yeah!” he laughs shakily.

“That was one hell of a shot,” I yell, grinning widely as I head towards the next cannon. “Okay Finn, one more, come on.”

“Wait,” he shouts before he swears. Then I hear him hitting the cannon’s control panel.

“What?” I ask, drawing us closer. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s stuck. I can’t move it,” Finn sighs, fear creeping into his voice.

“We’ll go under it,” I tell him as I tip us down, rolling the ship upside down. My nose crinkles as all the blood instantly rushes to my head. Narrowing my eyes, I concentrate on the cannon nearing us, praying to all the gods in the galaxy that Finn shoots this fucking cannon.

I watch, muscles tense as red shots cause the cannon to burst into flames. I let out a shaky breath, half laughing, half relieved as we skyrocket past it, hands relaxing on the steering. “Where to?” Finn asks as the First Order looms further and further away.

“Hey, do these ships have hyperdrive systems?” I ask as I glance over the controls.

“Nah,” he shakes his head, undoing his belt so he can lean over my seat. I look up at him, met with a smile that could rival Poe’s for brightness. “But it doesn’t look like they’re following us.”

I nod, leaning back into the leather seat, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand. “You ever been to Jakku, Finn?”


	4. Meet Poe Dameron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira Ren loses her shit. Poe blows shit up.

Kira Ren

Red. Everything turns red. A fiery, angry, blinding red.

There’s a ringing in my ears as Phasma stands before me, explaining the situation. “They destroyed the majority of our ships, Commander,” she says.

“Someone helped him,” I hiss, nails digging into my palms. My voice wavers, but it doesn’t show even a glimpse of the seething wrath that speaks inside of me.

Phasma nods, hands clasped behind her back. I glance around, the seven officers of the Finalizer lined up behind her. Hux stands at my right, a smirk plastered on his face. Fucking cretin. He could at least keep his glee at my misfortune to himself.

“It was a stormtrooper, Commander,” Phasma says, shouldering her cape behind her. “FN-2178.”

“He was in _your_ squadron,” I hiss, turning away from them as I clench my eyes shut under my helmet, biting down a scream.

“He was,” Phasma agrees from behind me. “I should’ve eliminated him years ago.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hux asks from beside me as I keep digging my nails into my skin. Don’t show them your anger. Keep control. Keep control.

“FN-2178 has always been empathetic. But he was an excellent soldier, so I gave him one more chance. I believed the bloodshed on Jakku would show him what being a Stormtrooper really meant. I was wrong.”

Hux opens his mouth, clearly interested in this meaningless traitor. I turn back around, unclenching my fists. “And our soldiers failed to control the situation,” I say slowly. Rolling my shoulders back, I take another breath in. _Control_.

“Where are they?” I ask. Folding my arms.

“The fugitives’ location is currently unknown to us, Commander,” one of the officer speaks us, taking a step closer to me. “It appears that-” he chokes on his last words, gripping his throat as his boots scuff along the metal floor, towards me.

Arm outstretched, I tighten my hold on his pale throat with the Force. “You will find them,” I hiss, watching as his eyes turn bloodshot, his hands scraping at his own skin. “And you will bring. Them. To. Me.”

“Commander.” I turn to face Phasma, letting the officer drop to the ground as I pull back from him. He gasps for breath, spluttering onto the floor. “The fugitives have disconnected the tracker in the TIE they stole. We are unable at this moment to track them.”

In a second, my saber's in my hand and I’m spinning, slashing at the wall. Metal hisses and flares as the crackling red light cuts through it smoothly. Then I pause. The droid. The droid on Jakku.

Solo’s a bastard, but there’s no chance in hell he’d leave a map to Skywalker lying about in the dessert. Extinguishing my saber with a slow hiss, I turn back to Phasma. All the officers have schooled their faces into indifference, but I sense the fear in them. It snakes around all of them.

Hux is still grinning, tilting his head at me when I order Phasma to ready my ship as well as two other TIE fighters. “Off to clean up your mess?” he asks, pouting sarcastically. I ignore him, using the Force to fling him out of the way as I leave the command room. Hux swears from behind me, and I roll my eyes when I catch the words _filthy bitch_.

I’ll show him how a filthy bitch cleans up her messes.

Ben

Finn sighs from beside me and I laugh, watching as sweat drips down his head. “It should never be allowed to be this hot,” he moans, running a hand over his short hair. We abandoned the majority of our clothes at the crash site, only donning trousers and shirts, abandoning our cloaks and tunics as the sun threatened to cook us alive.

“Agreed,” I nod as we continue to tread through the seemingly never-ending desert. So maybe crash landing hadn’t been the smartest idea. But I never claimed to be a great pilot. I just feel bad for the gash Finn now sports on the side of his neck, snaking down his chest. It isn’t too deep, but every time I look at it my stomach clenches slightly. My head thumps with each step, and my hope that we’re ever going to find R9 is dwindling quickly. “Hey,” I say to Finn as we climb yet another sand dune, the ground crumbling under our feet. “Did you know that the Master of Ren’s a woman?”

“She is?” he turns to me, brows arched in disbelief. He whistles as we continue to scramble up the hill, the sun’s heat slamming down on us. “I mean, there were rumors. But there were rumours about everything. I just kind of ignored them all.”

“She wears this red lipstick,” I tell him as we reach the top of the hill, but panting with relief as we catch a glimpse of a few bitty buildings in the close distance. “Lipstick,” he snorts as we slowly descend, trying not to fall as the sand moves beneath out feet. “Didn’t think she’d have time for lipstick.” I laugh and we fall into a companionable silence as we trudge ahead, the buildings getting closer and closer with each step.

My legs protest as we continue, and my mind wanders back to Kira Ren. I can’t believe she’s the one who’s been in my head this whole time. Infecting me with her godforsaken shadows. She’d been able to see my mind, but I’d also been able to see hers. I only caught glimpses; a shadow of a child sobbing in a desert, a looming figure that snaps an arm, a large cliff, surrounded by infinite ocean.

Shivering, despite the unbearable heat, I frown. I never want to go back into her mind again. Too haunted, too dark, even for me.

“So you’re with the Resistance,” Finn starts, pulling me out of my reverie. “And this droid has important information.” Hair sticking to my forehead, I look over at Finn when we reach the edge of town.

“ _Vital_ information,” I nod as we pause. Scanning our surroundings, I look for R9, but there are hardly any droids in sight. Frowning, I watch as Finn wanders over to a group of men sitting at a creaky table, playing a game of Sabacc.

“Hey, have any of you seen a droid?” he asks. “About yea high,” he says, demonstrating with his hand. “Grey with blue stripes. I’ve heard it’s pretty unreasonable.” The men all shake their heads and mutter, and Finn gives me a tight smile as he heads back towards me. “Nothing. But they said there’s only one person who controls what’s sold here.”

As he finishes, a group of small reptilian creatures shove past us, lugging massive sacs on their backs. One of them is dragging a net full of spare parts, metal clinking against each other as they join a queue that seems to lead into a building in the middle of town.

Me and Finn share a look before we follow them, joining the end of a very long queue. I watch as a fleshy alien stands behind a counter, handing out what seems to be portions of food to people as they hand him over metal and broken parts.

I watch, close to Finn, as the reptile people hand over their woollen sacs, grunting as the alien clicks his tongue. “Ten portions,” he hisses as he hauls the sacs over the counter, scowling down as the reptile people click their tongues in anger. “Next,” the alien shouts, glaring down at them. They slink off, still growling and muttering as the fight over the food the dealer gave them.

“Have you seen a droid around?” I ask, giving the man my politest smile. “An R9 unit, blue stripes. Very loud.”

“Maybe,” the dealer shrugs, narrowing his eyes at me. I glance at Finn as I frown.

“It’s his droid,” Finn explains, not going for the polite route as he folds his arms, glaring at the dealer. “If I bought it,” the dealer snorts, tilting his head at Finn condescendingly. “Does that still make it his?” He shoots a look at me before he sneers. “I’ll let you buy it back from me.”

“I don’t have any money on me at this point in time,” I start, my thin patience wearing out very fucking quickly. “But what if I told you that we had coordinates on a recently crashed-”

“TIE fighter?” the dealer asks, grinning a disgusting, toothy smile. I frown and Finn sighs from beside me. “Yeah, look kid, nothing crashes on Jakku without me knowing. Now get out of here.” He signals for the next person in the queue to come up.

“No, I’m sorry,” I start, slamming my hands on the counter. “But I don’t think you understand-”

“I said,” the alien starts, leaning closer to me. His spit sprays as he breathes heavily, glaring bullets at me and Finn. “Get out. Of here.”

I go to object some more, but Finn lightly elbows me, and then we’re being shoved out of the queue, stumbling back outside. “That’s just fucking fantastic,” I laugh, clapping my hands. “Finn, I _need_ that droid,” I sigh, dropping my head into my hands.

“I know,” Finn smiles sympathetically, patting my shoulder. “At least we know that asshole has it, right? We know where your droid is. Now we just need to think of a plan to get it back.”

Easier said than done.

Body finally catching up with the past two day’s events, I stumble over to the small fountain in the middle of square, dunking my head in as I fall down onto my knees. Finn follows me, cupping his hands and drinking with a thirsty gulp.

I stay there for a moment, unable to move as I lean on the fountain, before I hear a familiar voice. Jumping up, I spin around, eyes flicking left and right. “Ben?” Finn asks from where he’s sitting against the fountain. I hold up a hand to get him to shut up, before my eyes fall on a young man flirting with a Zeltron with pale pink skin, hand under his chin as she plays with his hair. A small orange droid whirs in-between the man’s legs

“Poe!” I yell, staggering towards him as I wave my arms in the air. Poe glances in my direction, his dark brows furrowing as he jogs away from the Zeltron girl, racing to meet me as my knees threaten to buckle. “Poe!” I laugh hysterically as he catches me around the waist, grinning up at him. I have never been so happy to see Poe fucking Dameron. I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy to see Poe Dameron before.

“Solo,” he frowns, his face a painting of concern. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“Long story,” I wave it off, looking up at him. “Why are you still here?”

“You never commed me about the hydrobooster I asked you to get. I got suspicious,” he shrugs. “So I decided to see if you were still here or if you’d gotten yourself in a bit of trouble,” he casts his eyes over me and chuckles. “Looks like it was the latter.”

“Tuanul,” I breathe shakily, glancing away from Poe as I try and stand up straight. “The First Order…they came and they killed them all. They found out that San Tekka…” I trail off, grabbing Poe’s shoulders.

“San Tekka was there,” I say slowly, watching Poe’s eyes widen in emotion. Fear, shock, relief, the emotions flash by so quickly that I can’t catch any of them. “He had a map. To Skywalker.”

Poe lets out a titter, shaking his head as he clutches onto my arms. “Ben Solo, you fucking madman,” he lets out a hoot, face bright.

“The First Order know we have it though,” I say quickly, watching as the joy vanishes from Poe’s features. “I don’t have time to explain,” I say before he opens his big mouth. “But we need to get R9. That ass has my droid,” I elaborate, gesturing back to the dealer’s shop. “Me and Finn…” I trail off, letting go of Poe’s arms to face the fountain. Finn’s sitting there, looking incredibly confused.

I tug Poe over to the fountain by his sleeve, ignoring his constant questions. How is he interrogating me more than Kira Ren did? “Finn,” I say, clapping his shoulder. “Meet Poe Dameron. Poe, meet Finn.”

Finn pushes himself up, sticking a hand out to Poe. My old friend tilts his head as they shake hands, throwing Finn that simpering grin I know all too well. Rolling my eyes, I cough, turning their attention back to me. “We need to get R9 back.”

Poe nods, scratching his head before he sneaks a sly glance down at his own droid. “I have a plan,” he starts, bending down beside BB-8. “But you’re not going to like it buddy.”

“So,” Finn starts as we wait beside the fountain, keeping an eye on the scrap-dealer’s store. “What kind of distraction are we waiting for?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, pushing my hair away from my face. “I assume he’ll pretend to sell BB-8, or try and talk to-” We both duck down, covering our faces when there’s a massive explosion from the store, flames dancing into the air. “Or,” I start as we watch the dealer stumble out from the store, Poe behind him. “He’ll blow it up.”

“Well,” Poe shakes his head, awe painting his face. “Your friend is certainly creative.”

We race into the burning store and I vault over the counter, slamming open the shaky, wooden door behind it. I enter the storage room and sigh with relief when I see R9, clamped up but safe. “Hey mate,” I breathe as I bend down beside him, pulling at the binds on him. He beeps and whirrs in excitement but I can’t pull the damn thing off of him. Finn shouts from outside for me to hurry up. “Shit,” I mutter, still tugging at the binds. Then, fingers pausing on the metal, I let my eyes flutter shut.

Come on, I beg, reaching out with my mind.

When I open my eyes, R9 is beeping excitedly, the binds undone. “Alright,” I nod, feeling slightly giddy. I can’t believe that actually worked. R9 follows me outside, and the three of us sprint out of the store. “Come on,” I call out to Poe and his droid, who are still arguing with the fleshy scrapdealer.

“It wasn’t me, you goddamn blobfish,” Poe yells behind him as he follows us, BB-8 and R9 close by. We sprint towards Poe’s freighter, and I can’t help the boyish grin that spreads on my face.

The smile falters when the freighter bursts into flames before we can reach it. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Poe yells as he stomps his foot into the ground. I tug my hands into my hair, swearing under my breath until Poe taps my shoulder.

“Uh, Ben?” he mutters quietly. I turn around to see what he’s pointing out. “We’ve got company.”

I sigh as we watch a black ship skate through the pale blue sky, doing a quick U-turn when it reaches the burning building, facing directly towards us.

This day really could’ve gone better.


	5. Piece by Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira Ren chases Ben.

Kira Ren

Blood curdling, I watch as Ben Solo stops in his tracks, the traitor and the other man, dressed in a Resistance uniform, right behind him. He spins around, hands in his hair as his eyes wildly scan the junkyard they’re trapped in.

“Which droid is it, Commander?” Head snapping towards Phasma, I narrow my eyes. “Which droid contains the map?” In my rage at Solo I almost forgot why we’re even here.

Rolling my shoulders back, I turn back to the three men, focusing my attention on the two drones close behind them as they run towards the broken ships scattered to the side of the outpost.

Why are there two?

“Don’t shoot at them,” I order as I come up behind the pilot, leaning forward to see more clearly. “We need the droid unscathed.” I ignore the crippling need to have Ben Solo back in my possession too. There’s something about him irking me, like a fly that won’t go away. I want him back with me.

“Attack whatever ship they try escape on,” I command, met with nods as the troopers race in position. “Alert our other ships of my order,” I tell Phasma before I turn back, jaw clenching. Then I see which ship the three men race towards and laugh, gripping the head of the pilot’s seat tightly.

Of course.

As we circle the YT freighter, Ben Solo leaps into the air, grabbing something on the ship before he lands back down onto the sand, a ramp slowly appearing. The Resistance fighter clambers on before the ramp’s hit the ground, reaching a hand out to lift up the traitor. The two of them disappear into the ship, leaving Solo to grab the droids, practically throwing them inside before he hoists himself up.

“Why have they chosen _that_ pile of rust?” The pilot muses as he flicks the acceleration, and we slowly move towards them. I don’t reply, just keep watching as The ramp to the ship closes as the lights flicker on and the engine splutter.

Who would’ve ever thought that the Millennium Falcon would end up in a shithole like this?

Sliding in the co-pilot seat, I ignore the way the pilot looks at me; a mix of fear and annoyance. Hands flying across the control panels, I watch as the Millennium Falcon takes off, a bit jittery but still soaring through the sky.

With a spitting rage I can’t even explain to myself, I grip onto the blaster controls, firing shot after shot. The fools haven’t even put the shields up yet, allowing this to be easier than it should. Leaning forward, urging my ship closer and closer, I grin.

Our two other fighters come up on either side, firing angry red shots. The Falcon manages to dodge most of them, its skinny make allowing for it to avoid out attacks fairly easily.

“That’s one helluva pilot,” the man beside me exclaims as the Falcon slows down slightly. Hissing, I push down on the acceleration, ignoring the protests of the man beside me. Reaching my hand out, I bend the Force, and the pilot slumps back into his seat.

“Commander-” Phasma starts from behind me, coming up to check on the pilot. I dismiss her with the wave of my hand. “He’s merely unconscious,” I say, eyes trained on the Falcon ahead of me. “He was annoying me.”

Hissing through my teeth, I watch as the two laser cannons start to whirr on, gingerly moving as the calibrate up. “Take out the cannons,” I growl into the comm, the other two ships commenting their acknowledgment of my order before they pull forward, aiming at the Falcon.

With Solo and his band of idiots preoccupied with the two TIEs taking out their cannons, I push forward, smirking slowly. Reaching out for my blaster’s controls, I take aim. Head high, I run my tongue over my teeth, hands pressing down. The blaster starts to fire up, ten seconds until-

Drawing my hand back, I wince.

That blistering light boils my veins as my surroundings fade into the background. Covering my ears, I try and block out the faint hum of the white light.

“Now really isn’t the right time, sweetheart.” I grip my ears tighter as the husky voice resounds in my mind. “I’m a bit tied up.”

Biting back tears of frustration, I hiss slowly. “Who are you?” I recognise Phasma’s voice sounding from behind me, but it’s muffled, like I’m underwater. “Who are you?” I ask again when there’s no reply.

“Come on,” the voice mockingly chides. “I thought you were slicker than this.” Then it withers away as quickly as it appeared. The light fades and my eyes snap open to find Phasma in the seat beside me, gripping the steering tightly.

“The top cannon’s stopped,” she shouting to the troopers behind us. “Take it out!”

Taking a sharp breath in, I grab onto the controls again, hissing when the Falcon gains speed, slipping away from us. “Where are the TIEs?” I ask as Phasma takes fire at the unresponsive top cannon.

“They got taken out,” Phasma grits out, cringing as we have to leap up to avoid the Falcon’s shots. “It’s just us now.” I open my mouth to shout something, anything, to order the troopers to stick their blasters out the window and fire anything they can, when the Falcon’s top cannon starts to move again.

“Shit,” I sigh as it aims directly at us. “Drop!” I yell, gripping my seat as Phasma aims our ship back down to the ground, almost free-falling as we dodge the cannon’s aim. We have a rocky landing, the bottom of the ship scraping badly against the coarse ground.

Letting out a scream, I watch as the Millennium Falcon jumps to hyperspace. I don’t even realise I’m digging my nails into my palms until I feel blood pool down my fingers, sticking to the leather gloves.

I’m going to tear Ben Solo apart. Piece by piece.

Ben

“I can’t believe it,” Poe breathes as he paces, hands covering the boyish grin on his face. “It’s the Millennium Falcon,” he squeals and I snort, falling down onto my back as I look up at Finn.

We’re in the recreational room, me and Finn sitting at the table where Uncle Chewie taught me how to play Dejarik. Poe’s practically skipping around the room like a toddler, asking a million questions a minute. We wandered in here after setting the ship to auto-pilot, heading towards the Outer Rim. Towards Illeenium. Towards the Resistance.

Sighing, I let myself  shut my eyes, since this is the first time I haven’t been in immediate danger for thirty-six hours.

Listening to Poe ramble on excitedly about my father’s ship, I try and figure out why Kira hasn’t  realised that I’m the one in her head yet. I guess she has more pressing matters at hand. Maybe she doesn’t care who I am, or why we seemed to have settled into a Force bond.

It turns my stomach slightly, imagining her in my head, so I sit up, back against the comfortable booth. Finn’s leaning on the game table, head resting on his arms as he watches Poe, his face a cast of wonder and amusement.

“ Poe, ” I warn, frowning when the pilot turns to me, glee painting his face.

“It’s legendary,” he laughs, tracing one of the metal pipes attached to the wall. “It’s beautiful,” he sighs dreamily. “I can’t believe you grew up on this thing,” he shakes his head in astonishment. “And you took it for  granted,” he gasps,  eyes glassy as he slowly turns, taking in the room.

“Wait,” Finn starts, looking up at me as his dark brows furrow. “You grew up on the  Millennium Falcon?” I start to object, shaking my head, but Finn is sitting up straight now, mouth gaping. “You’re Ben  Solo?” he asks, glancing to me to Poe. “He’s Ben Solo,” he laughs, pointing at me. Poe just nods, tilting his head at the young stormtrooper.

Rolling my eyes, I slap Finn’s hand away from me, leaning back further into the fabric. “I wasn’t  raised on here,” I sneer, folding my arms. “I grew up in a house. A very ordinary house.”

“ Ben Solo ,” Finn whispers, flopping back down onto the booth.

“The Millennium Falcon,” Poe grins, clapping his hands together. “Can I look after it?” he asks, looking at me with hopeful eyes. I shrug, throat bobbing.

“Do what you want with the heap of garbage,” I say as I slide out of my seat, wandering towards  out of the room. “It’s not like it’s mine.” I shut the door behind me, locking out Poe’s enthusiastic yelps of glee.

Pushing my tongue into my cheek,  I pause in front of the crew’s quarter’s door. Biting my lip, I unlock the door, entering the password and praying it hasn’t been changed. I give a huff of amusement when the door slides open with a click and step into my old bedroom. Dad always slept in the bunk in the recrea tion room, and Uncle Chewie seemed to never sleep, so I got the whole room to myself.

Some of my old posters are still stuck to the walls as well as drawings I did. They’re basically just scribbles on paper, but something clutches at my heart when my eyes fall on a drawing of myself and my dad. Pressing my lips into a thin line, I grab the drawing off of the wall, scrunching it up before I let it fall from my hands.

Casting a glance at my old toys scattered on the floor, I massage the back of my neck. I guess the scrap-dealer never managed to get in here.  Letting out a shuddery breath, I turn around, suddenly feeling very claustrophobic.

As I exit my room, the door sliding shut behind me, the floor beneath me jolts. “What the-” Grabbing onto a shelf beside me, I frown as Poe and Finn come stumbling into the corridor, a droid in each of their arms.

“First Order?” I ask, wrinkling my nose when Poe shrugs, eyes bright with worry. Swearing  colourfully under my breath, I hit the password into the door again, gesturing for Poe and Finn to follow me.

We collectively hold our breath when the ship stops shaking. “We’re so fucked,” Finn whispers, shoulder slumping. I hold my finger to my lips as I press my ear to the door. Squeezing my eyes shut, I listen as someone boards, dropping into the corridor with a thud. I hear muffled sounds, but no clear words as people walk past us, the metal floor creaking.

I really think the universe is trying to tell me something here.

Maybe I’ll give up after the third  homicide attempt of the day.

After about an hour of nothing, I’m still standing by the door, but Poe and Finn are sitting against the bunks. Well, Poe’s sitting against the bunk and Finn’s asleep on his shoulder. 

“Are you ever going to tell me how you actually picked this one up?” Poe asks, voice soft as he glances at Finn. I blink at him before I look back at the door. “Hey,” he says,  bringing his knees up to his chest, hands around his ankles. “They’re not coming in here. We’ll wait till they sleep and then figure it out.”

Nodding gingerly, I slide down against the door, dropping onto the floor. “I was about to leave,” I start, shoulders relaxing slightly. “When the Force called me. I found San Tekka, in  Tuanul. He started spouting that Jedi crap, all about saving the galaxy and so on. He gave me the map,” I say as R9 whirs over to me, ejecting the map. I run it over my fingers. “I knew I had to get it to you and the Resistance,” I continue, eyes flashing up to Poe, a proud look on his face. “I’m not coming back,” I clarify, clicking the map back into R9.

“Of course not,” Poe nods, his face serious.

“Don’t- don’t say it like that,” I protest, shooting him an annoyed look.

“Say it like what?”

“Like you don’t believe me,” I sigh, dropping my head back against the door.

“You said the First Order killed them all,” Poe reminds me, letting his face rest on top of Finn. I nod slowly, throat bobbing as I remember it. I’d watched as Kira Ren had slashed into that helpless women. It didn’t take a genius to know what she must’ve ordered to happen to the rest of the villagers.

“I tried to…” I trail off, catching on my words. What had I tried to do? I had just acted out without thinking, letting my emotion drive me. That’s why I was a shitty Padawan.

“Kira Ren captured me,” I pause, bristling on that word. “Got into my mind. She found out about the map and R9. Finn helped me escape, and badabingbadaboom… here we are,” I give a tentative grin, gesturing to the three of us.

I f I’d known this was where I’d end up on my way to meet Poe on Jakku, I would’ve turned right around. But, I guess Finn managed to get out, and even though his ship was blown up, me and Poe know each other are safe. Nothing like traumatic experiences to bring three people together.

“ I need a cup of caf,” Poe mutters as he rubs his eyes with the heel of his hands. Laughing softly, I lean my arm against R9, resting my head on top of my droid. “Yeah, I know,” I sigh as R9 hisses irately at me. “I can’t promise that,” I tell him, cold metal against my arm. “Alright, alright,” I concede. “I promise I won’t ever leave you like that again.”

R9 gives a satisfied beep and I sigh before I glance over at Poe, who’s fallen asleep, mouth parted as his eyes flutter. R9 tells me to sleep too, but I shake my head. “Someone needs to keep watch,” I mutter, tying to ignore the weary feeling settling into me. “We don’t know who’s on the ship with us. Could be Kira Ren,” I add, even though I know it isn’t. I’d be able to feel her.

I see her in my sleep. Dark eyes. Tears. Clashing sabers as she tries to kill me. I scream out as I push back, her sabre falling from her hands. Her head snaps up and she opens her mouth to speak.

Jerking awake, my eyes flicker open and I cringe at the aching stiffness in my body.  Is it possible for your bones to be tired? “You weren’t meant to let me fall asleep,” I mutter to R9 as I stretch my neck. He whirrs something, but his beeping fades as I glance up to see someone sitting on the bunk opposite Poe and Finn.

“Hey son. How’d you end up on my ship?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Santana and Sebastian’s Smooth Criminal is the very definition of dark reylo


	6. Finders Keepers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira Ren trains. Ben talks it out with Han. Poe fangirls some more.

Kira Ren

Crouching into my fighting stance, I twirl my  blade, the staff heavy in my fingers.  Trudgen smirks, his pointed teeth a warning.

“Let’s dance,” he purrs, his own knuckles tight around his  vibrocleaver. Lips pursed, I start to circle him, feet light and swift.

The rest of the knights stand at the side, eager grins plastered on their faces. I can hear the thoughts screaming at me, begging  Trudgen to make me bleed. My knights may respect my power, and my fighting skills, but they’d all slit my throat in the blink of an eye.

Trudgen isn’t the worst of them, no that title defiantly goes to  Ushar, but he’s crude and ruthless. He doesn’t fight with  honour, just fights to kill.

He moves first. He always moves first. Cleaver aimed at me, he rushes forward, eyes gleaming. I receive the blow with the flat of my blade. I spin, turning the sword towards Trudgen, leveraging around his cleaver and thrusting at the gaps in his armour.

I keep moving, feet light, not wanting to be stuck too long within his reach. My grip on the blade permits for more leverage and more precise thrusts, but it greatly lowers my reach. The knight doesn’t have this disadvantage.

Anger rips at my mind. Anger at Solo. Anger at myself for letting him go. Anger at that light that constantly buzzes in the back of my mind. Anger at Snoke for not trusting me enough. I desperately want to unbridle all my wrath on Trudgen.

But I push the anger down, and instead listen out, giving myself to the Force. Trudgen is just another opponent, one of countless, and he deserves none of my emotions. He is no more than a practice target.  
  
Our blades bound together again, and I grunt as he presses down. He’s stronger than me. They’re all stronger than me. But they’re not as smart. And none of them have been trained properly. So as he presses down, I give one last shove, throwing him off slightly before I spin to the side, using the Force to pull myself away. Trudgen’s armpit’s exposed as he falters.

If he’d worn his helmet, maybe we wouldn’t have all heard his cry as my blade enters through his armpit and shoulder. Trudgen swings wildly with his other arm, reaching out for me. I slide forward, kicking him in the chest with all the force I can muster. He lands onto the floor with a sickening thud, clutching his shoulder as his nostrils flare.

I let my blood-soaked blade fall to the floor. “Help him to the medbay,” I shout behind me to the other Knights as I leave, shouldering open the door without looking back.

Making my way towards my chambers, I grind my teeth. Incompetent knights. Failures for troopers. An untrusting master.

I have no one to trust. No one to rely on but myself.

Ben

“How did you find us?” I find myself asking, hating that my voice breaks.

“We’ve been tracking the Falcon for years,” he says, watching me carefully. “So, how’ve you been?”

I narrow my eyes at him before I stand, lips forming a tight smile. “Shit. Not that you’d care.” He stands up as I kick the door open, making to follow me.

“Look, kid-”

“Stop _calling_ me  that ,”  I snap, raking a hand though my hair as I storm through the ship. Suddenly I’m eleven again, screaming at my father for leaving me and my mother. But this time there are no tears streaming down my face. This time I’m not surprised at his cavalier attitude. This time the disappointment won’t come as a surprise.

He sighs, annoyance on his face. “The First Order are after you, you know.” Rolling my eyes, I turn back to face him, leaning against the drinks bar in the recreation room. “No,” I exclaim sarcastically. “Thanks, I wasn’t aware of that.”

“What have you gotten yourself into this time, kid?” he coaxes, wearing that stupid kind face he always used on me when I wouldn’t eat my vegetables. I used to like picking them from our garden, but when it came to actually eating them I was always an asshole.

“The fuck did I just say about calling me _that_?”  I retort, folding my arms. When he arches a greying eyebrow at me, I realise that maybe I’m _acting_ like the kid who wouldn’t eat his vegetables again, so I unfold them with a scowl.

“Look,” he starts. “Let me take you wherever you’re going. Then I’ll get out of your hair.”

I scoff. “That is your specialty.” He frowns, hurt painting his eyes. I don’t back down. “Also,  _ I _ found the ship. Not you. What happened to finders’ keepers?”

He laughs until he’s cut off by someone opening the door behind him. I can’t help the smile on my face when Chewie appears, roaring happily. “Hey buddy,” I laugh. “Okay, can’t really breathe,” I choke out when he wraps his large arms around me, squeezing tightly.

He lets go and ruffles my hair with his massive paw . “We’re going to  D’Qar ,” I say to  Han, looking past the  Wookie to meet his eyes. I kiss my teeth when his face bleaches of  colour. Thought as much. But before I can say anything else, the door behind me swishes open to reveal Finn and Poe, the former looking apprehensive and the latter aiming a blaster at  Han and Chewie.

“We heard shouts,” Finn says to me as Poe keeps the blaster aimed, a slow realisation coming over him. “I’m fine,” I breathe, the anger at Han fading as my friend smiles at me.

“Holy shit,” Poe exclaims, his blaster lowering. “You’re Han Solo.” My father gives a weak smile before he shrugs as if to say you got me. Dickhead. He’s always acted like this. Like he doesn’t know he’s a fucking war hero.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir,” Poe grins as he shakes  Han’s hand excitedly, his eyes crinkling. “You must be Chewbacca,” he laughs, beaming up at my uncle. “Poe Dameron,” he introduces himself, hands clapping. “The Resistance’s best pilot.”

“We’ll see about that,” Han jests, studying Poe, eyes lingering on his orange uniform. Poe laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. Suck up. I glare at Poe when Han turns to the Engineering Station, mindlessly flicking switches as he runs his fingers over his beard. Poe just shoots me a look like I'm the one acting weird here.

“You’re coming with us?” Finn asks gingerly. I smile to myself, glancing down at my boots. At least one of them’s picked up on the tense atmosphere.

“Well,” Han starts, “It is  my ship.” Chewie grunts from beside him, nose crinkling. “Our ship.”

“We need to get to the Resistance,” I say, fingers digging into my arms. Han doesn’t reply, just gives me a tight nod.

“I’ll bet you do,” he quips. A jab at me, no doubt. He definitely knows that I abandoned the Resistance five years ago. Everyone does. But he did it before me, so I don’t know why he’s acting so high and mighty about it. Brows lowering in anger, Finn speaks before I have the time to shout down my father.

“We have a map to Luke Skywalker.”

Han slowly turns, eyes wide.  “Luke,” he murmurs, rubbing his neck. “Luke died a long time ago,” he dismisses, face clouding over.

“Why would you say that?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. “Of course he isn’t dead.”

“I think I would know if my best friend was still alive,” Han sneers, slamming his fists on the metal table. The tools slam and rattle as the air goes still. “Snoke killed him. Years ago.” I freeze at that. I never… no one ever told me this. Glancing at Poe, I see the surprise written on his face too. This must be more Han fucking Solo bullshit. He’d rather believe that Luke is dead rather than think he’s left us all alone, battling the First Order with no help.

The Resistance would know if Skywalker was dead. The Force would still be mourning if he’d died. And why would Kira Ren be chasing after the map if Snoke had killed him? I scowl at my father. He’s always spouting  shit like this, like  the rumours he hears in the many bars he frequents are true.

“San Tekka-” I start , my shoulder tensing when Han turns around to face me, shaking his head.

“San Tekka is a fool,” he sighs.

“San Tekka  _died_ for the Resistance,” I hiss, pointing an accusing finger at him. “That’s more than you’ve ever done. And Luke Skywalker is  not dead. I can feel him. In the Force.”

Han rolls his eyes, snorting lightly. “Fine,” he concedes, shrugging sarcastically. “I’ll take you to  D’Qar. I’ll let you run this foolish goose chase. But do not blame me when this goes to shit.”

I go to protest that no one blames him for anything, namely because he’s never around to  do anything, when there’s a loud crashing sound from outside. Chewie roars that he’ll go check what it is and Han sighs, running an exasperated hand down his face. “It’s probably just the  rathtars.”

Poe’s eyebrows fly up as he follows Chewie from the room. “You have  rathtars on board?” Finn pats my shoulder before he trails the other two, hands slung in his pockets.

“Do you really think Luke would abandon Leia like this if he was alive?” Han asks after Chewie, Finn and Poe go to check on the disruption. “He  _loved_ her.”

“Mum’s used to people who are meant to love her leaving her,” I shrug, following my friends before he can object. Fists clenching, I shake my head and escape from the room. I go to find Finn and Poe when my head is cleaved in two by a thunderous darkness.

“Ben Solo,” the voice purrs. Clutching my head, my knees buckle and I fall to the floor.  Then I hear the sound of heels clicking against stone. Looking up to meet Kira Ren’s dark, smug eyes. She throws me and enigmatic grin as she bends down, too close to me. I can smell her.  Rain and lavender. 

“Just how long have you been in my head?”


	7. Trust Me or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira Ren figures it out. Han Solo fucks up.

Kira Ren

As I flick though reports in my office, I can’t block out the soft yet rushed whispering coming from outside the room. Biting my lip, I use the Force to slam the door shut, hopefully serving as a warning to the troopers chattering outside.

I go back to the reports on the Starkiller Base, scribbling down notes at the side for the next council meeting. But when my ears pick up the uttering again, I slam my pen down onto the desk.

The chair scrapes across the concrete floor as I stand up. Insolent gossipers, I hiss under my breath as I throw open the door.  I don’t need to worry about my helmet when I’m merely in my office. People think I’m a measly accountant for the Order.

“Are we paying you to chat?” I start, voice laced in anger. “Or to…” I trail off as I step into the corridor, finding no one there.

Tilting my head, I venture down the hall, finding the nearest person three minutes away. Annoyance and confusion rattling through me, I reach out with the Force. My eyes flash open when I pick up on the closet person. In my office. But how could they possibly be in my office?

Running back, I fling open the door to find Solo in my room. Mouth falling open, I summon my saber and leap out, bringing my weapon down on him. But it just goes straight through him.

“What in…” I mutter as I circle him, extinguishing the saber. I reach out hesitantly, but my fingers just dance through him. A hologram of some sorts. But the picture is perfectly clear. And he’s life-size. The full six feet of him standing in my office. I take a step back, brows pinching as I stare.

“Shit. Not that you’d care.”  He hisses to someone before he walks, fists clenched. So he can’t see me. Can’t hear me. Wherever he is.

I reach out again, hands turning into a fist as they hover beside him. Eyes fluttering shut, I reach out towards him, gasping lightly when the Force tugs. And then I feel like I’m falling. Falling into honey and spun gold and through the leaves of oak trees.

It’s so  familiar.

Eyes flashing open, my hands instinctively reach up to my face. Holy shit. Gazing at Solo, I watch as he rolls his eyes , a scowl painting his handsome face.

I take another step back, eyes wide as I watch Solo talk to people I can’t see. Then another step and another until I’ m sitting down on the lounge. Leaning forward, I drop my head into my hands,  covering my eyes as I try and block him out.

“San Tekka  died for the Resistance.” I hear him snarl. Go away. Go away. “That’s more than you’ve ever done. And Luke Skywalker is  not dead. I can feel him. In the Force.”

My head snaps up at this, watching as Solo’s eye blaze with indignation. Realisation hits me like a shot as Solo’s figure flickers. He’s been in my mind for years. Like an insect burying itself where it’s not wanted.

But this goes both ways. And Solo’s untrained. Weak.

Crushing insects is a small feat. But maybe, I think as I slowly stand , I could use the bug. Taking small steps closer to him, I reach up, fingers hovering beside his face. Jaw trembling, I reach out. My heart falls slightly when it just goes through him again.

Fingers tightening into a fist, my hand falls back to my side. I must keep control. Regulating my breathing, I reach out into that dark void, grasping out for him, letting the Force guide me. I vaguely hear his voice, clearly pissed off as my ears prick up to the sound of aggravated foot steps. 

Then I feel that light, the dancing golden energy. So I reach out. And I tug. Ben Solo. I mutter his name in my head, feeling his energy encompass me. I hate the way it feels, too scratchy and blinding, but I don’t fight it. Ben Solo. I try it aloud this time . I let Ben Solo surround me.

When my eyes open,  Solo’s crouched down in front of me, pulling at his wavy dark hair. Cocking my head, I watch prudently as he looks up. Fear darts across his shadowy eyes.

Something inside of me seems to click when I realise he can see me. When I realise he isn’t just looking through me anymore. I bend down beside him, clicking my tongue. I can hear his heartbeat.

He  knew he was in my head. How long has he known? He’s made me look like a fool.

“Just how long have you been in my head?” I ask as I keep myself tethered to that light in the Force. I feel his confusion flare against me. All of his emotions, too loud, screaming at me. 

“Took you long enough to figure it out,” he winces, clutching at his head.

“What is it?” I ask, hating that I sound curious. He looks up at me, dark, neat brow arched. I frown. “I want rid of it.”

He rolls his eyes. “The feeling’s mutual. I don’t exactly like having a fucking dictator in my head.”

“Where are you?” I question. He snorts, standing up quickly as he looks down at me. Rolling my eyes, I follow him, slowly straightening my legs. “I can’t see your surroundings,” I explain, eyes skirting over him as he slowly circles me. “Can you see mine?”

“How pissed is Snoke?” Solo asks, his eyes slowly travelling up my body. I wish he’d stop looking at me like that.

“I know it must be hard for you to understand, Solo,” I say tartly, hands on my hips as I tilt my head up at him. “But Snoke doesn’t care about you in the slightest. The galaxy doesn’t revolve around scrappy smugglers.”

“But  you care about me,” he smirks. I scoff, narrowing my eyes at him. How arrogant can a smuggler be? A smuggler who abandoned his name, his legacy.

“I care about what you  _ stole _ from me,” I rasp, throat bobbing. He opens his mouth to speak, shrewd grin spread out across his face, when his head snaps to the side. His jaw clenches and he makes to run towards something. “Wait,” I call out instinctively, reaching my hand out.

I can feel him slipping, his warmth fading. He glances back at me, his face stony. “Stay out of my fucking head, witch,” he warns. And then my hold on him shatters, and he vanishes from my office. 

I snarl in frustration, slamming a fist down onto my desk. It cleaves in two, wood splintering.  Baring my teeth, I  stare down at the broken desk and all the papers littered across the floor. Stomach clenching up, I shout for someone to come clear this up, using the Force to amplify my voice before I storm towards the training rooms.

Saber flying into my hands, I lash out at the metal training dummies. Better to destroy these than the ship.

Fucking Solo.

Ben

“Why the hell are you hauling  rathtars?” Finn asks as we all exit the Falcon, following Han as he runs across the hangar. I look around his new freighter as I trudge after them, hands slung in my pockets. Wonder who he stole this ship from.

“Oh crap,” Han swears as he grips onto the surveillance cameras. “Guvaian Death Gang,” he sighs, like this is a mild convenience and not one of the most notorious criminal organisations boarding his plane. “ Must’ve tracked us from  Nantoon.”

“You’re caught up with the goddamn _Guavians_?” I hiss, grabbing his arm before he can storm off again. He turns to face me slowly, shouldering me off. “How is it possible that your stupidity has inflated in ten years?” I ask as we follow him through the halls, the roar of rathtars in the distance causing my toes to curl.

“Get down there,” he orders, completely ignoring me. “The Order’s got wanted posters of your heads all over the galaxy,” he says, pointing to me and Finn. “And anyone would recognise that obnoxious uniform from a mile away,” he adds, glancing at Poe, who’s ears go red as he glances down at his orange jumpsuit. 

Finn and Poe nod , jumping down into the hidden  corridor below. Finn shoots me a  catious glance before he goes but I just wave a dismissive hand at him. “What about R9?” I ask as the droid beeps from behind me. “It comes with me,” he says, turning to leave. Chewie appears again, handing a blaster to Han.

“Why?” I ask, taking a step in front of my droid before it can follow Han and Chewie towards the gang. I’ll be damned if R9 gets caught up in shit because my father can’t learn from his many mistakes.

“So I know you won’t take off with my ship while I’m dealing with this shit,” he says, face cold and stony. I don’t let that disappointment that thunders through my veins show. Of course he doesn’t trust me. Why should he? I’m just like him, and no one ever trusted the infamous smuggler Han Solo. He knows that better than anyone.

I don’t say anything to him, but I give R9 a little pat and a tight nod, watching as he whirs towards Chewie. Han doesn’t say anything else to me, just walks off, twirling the blaster in his hands. The memory of him walking off for his many missions, blaster in his hand just like this, races through me.

Chewie gives me a restrained smile before he tells me he’ll look out for my droid. Sighing, I jump down into the  lower corridor, giving Poe a look before he can open his goddamn mouth. 

We listen in silence to Chewie and Han’s heavy footsteps. My breath catches when the sound of a door opening clangs, followed by the harmony of about five blasters being cocked. 

“You’re a dead man,” someone with a thick accent says angrily and Finn winces beside me. 

“Bala-Tik,” Han calls. “What’s the problem?” Biting the inside of my cheek, I try and not sigh as Poe starts to walk forwards, sneaking closer towards the voices. I look towards Finn with pursed lips, but the former trooper just shrugs before he follows Poe down the creaky hall. For Force’s sake.

“The problem is we loaned you fifty thousand for this job,” the thick accent calls again, louder this time. “We also heard you borrowed fifty thousand from  Kanjiklub .”

I groan silently as I follow Poe and Finn, cursing everything in the Galaxy that I ended up with a goddamn moron for a father. Even I know you don’t make any deals with fucking  Kanjiklub.

“You know you can't trust those little freaks,” Han says and I hear Chewie murmur in agreement. “Your dad’s a real smooth talker,” Poe whispers from beside me, eyes gleaming in amusement. I lower my brows at him before he shrugs, biting his lip as if to say tough crowd.

“How long have we known each other?” Han asks from above us. Too focused on listening to what my father’s saying, I don’t realise we’ve stopped until Finn puts his hand up to stop me from walking. He points up and I follow his signal, nose crinkling as I take in the six  armored foot soldiers above us.

“Blasters,” I breathe, biting my lips.

“Not all of them,” Poe comments, gesturing at the tree unarmed soldiers at the back of the group.

“We want our money back now,” the negotiator says and I glance up at him through the metal floor. I recognise him,  Bala-Tik. He’s a dickhead. Tried to hunt me down for a solid month after I took a job from his gang. Weedy guy. No spine. “And so does  Kanjikulb.”

“I never  _made_ a deal with  Kanjiklub,” Han protests, voice stiff.

“Tell that to  Kanjiklub,”  Bala-Tik grins before the door at the other side of the corridor hisses open. You’ve got to be kidding me. Only Han Solo could make rival gangs team up to take him out.

“Tasu Leech,” Han laughs, the anxiety in his voice clear. “Good to see you. You look great.”

The leader then responds in a language I don’t recognise, but his tone makes the message pretty clear. Sharing a worried look with Finn and Poe, the three of us start to quickly head back down the corridor, wincing every time the metal creaks.

“Boys,” Han says nonchalantly. “You’re both going to get what you promised.”

“That R9 unit.” I stop in my tracks when  Bala-Tik mentions my droid. Face paling, I look towards Finn and Poe, horror painted across both of their faces. “The First Order is looking for one exactly like it. ”

Fuck. Kira Ren must’ve put out clandestine notices to organisations like the Guavians for BB-8 and R9. Shit, why couldn’t R9 have stayed in the Falcon with BB-8. Palms against my forehead, I wait for  Bala-Tik to say it.

“And two fugitives. One being your son.”

There it is.

Poe swears  colourfully , hands tugging at his hair as I freeze, throat bobbing. “Wait,” Finn starts, voice soft. “Look,” he whispers, pointing up to where my father’s cornered by the two gangs. “If we can shut those doors, your da- Han can get out of there.”

“We just need to find a control panel,” Poe nods, face lighting up at Finn’s idea. “Then we can all get out of here.” 

“I’ ve not seen my son in ten years,” Han says from above us as we spread out , searching for controls to shut the doors. I grit my teeth and try and ignore him, wildly scanning for what Poe described the controls should look like.

“They say your son hates you,”  Bala-Tik says. White with blue stripes. Flashing red lights. Come on, come on. “That you abandoned him. What would you lose if you handed him and his mate over to us, along with the droid?”

“Look,  Bala-Tik. I don’t know where my son is and I didn’t know that the Order wanted him.” Sighing with relief when I find the control panel, I suddenly realise that maybe I should’ve asked Poe which fuse to hit. Because there are a lot of fuses staring up at me right now.

Swearing, I reach out, about to press the button that stands out the most. I’ll just try them all until I find the right one. That’ll work.

“Wrong fuse.” Jumping in shock, I fall against the control panel, glancing back to see Kira Ren sitting down beside me. She’s not wearing that sea of dark cloaks this time. And her saber's nowhere to be seen. No she’s wearing a _skirt_. I hate the way my eyes glance down at her bare legs, throat bobbing. Blinking away, I narrow my eyes at her.

“Will you fuck off?” I scowl, turning my attention back to the controls.

“I’m not controlling it,” she rolls her eyes. “Trust me, I’d much rather not be here.” Ignoring her, I reach out again. “Wrong fuse,” she repeats.

“Why would I trust you?” I ask. “You want me dead.” She nods, picking at her nails with what looks like to be a knife. Fucking psychopath.

“True,” she nods, cascade of dark waves falling across her shoulder. I’ve never seen her with her hair down. “But I want to be the one to kill you. Not some measly street gang. Especially not the goddamn Guavians,” she adds with a feral grin, tossing the knife at me.

I flinch, trying to duck out of the way, but the knife just goes straight through me. How in the hell? She watches me, lips pursed. She'd been expecting that, by the look on her face.

Reaching out, I go to touch her, but she moves out of the way, red lips turning to a frown. “We can’t touch each other,” she tells me condescendingly, like this is a normal thing to be happening. “It’s the third switch up from the bottom,” she adds, an adder’s smile twisting across her lips. 

She waits for me to make the choice. Trust her or not. Swearing under my breath, I reach out for the third switch, when suddenly there’s a loud, resounding unlocking sound, followed by a roar. “Looks like one of your friends took a gamble before you,” Kira Ren sighs knowingly before her figure flickers in front of me. “ Good luck,” she winks before she’s completely gone, leaving me completely alone again.

I stay sitting against the control panel after she disappears, eyes shutting as the sound of shots being fired sings throughout the ship.


	8. Oak and Caf Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo’s fast on his feet and Kira Ren keeps the bond hidden.

Ben

“Ben, come on.”  I look up to see Poe standing in front of me, tugging at my sleeve. “I’m like ninety percent sure I opened the wrong doors.”

“You think, Dameron ?” I chide, shrugging him off as I push myself up. Poe cringes as we run through the lower corridors, screams and the sound of the rathtars too loud. “We need to find Finn,” he pants as we come to the hutch. I nod in agreement before I stick my hands out, couching down. Poe instantly jumps up with no hesitation, and I push him up, holding his legs until he  pulls himself up.

He then lowers his hand and I grab on, vaulting up with his help. I don’t miss anything about the Resistance apart from maybe this. Fighting back to back with Poe. He was the only one I ever liked fighting alongside. We never had to talk to communicate. Maybe it’s because we’ve known each other since birth, with his parents being soldiers for the Alliance alongside mine. 

We didn’t actually like each other at first, but silently agreed to be civil for our parents’ sake. He was too chaotic and loud, and I was too competitive and arrogant. But somehow the begrudging politeness turned into friendship over the years. Only good thing the Resistance ever brought me was Poe.

“Finn?” Poe shouts as we run through the labyrinth that is my father’s new ship. I keep my hands tight on my blaster and Poe does the same, aiming it down every corridor we pass.

I mostly follow his lead, head still splitting from the interaction with Kira Ren. Too much information is soaring through my brain, and for some reason the only fact I can cling onto is that she was wearing a skirt. A short black skirt. I never realised how tanned she is before. The pale scars on her legs like slivers of stardust against the soft golden skin.

“Fuck,” Poe sighs when we run into a corridor with Kanjis at the other end. Blaster aimed at them, I start shooting. Poe follows me as we push them back to the end of the corridor, dodging their shots as we fire back. 

They reach the end of the corridor, and turn to the left when they start screaming and scramble to the right. I pause, glancing at Poe who watches them, brows furrowed. Then a rathtar crashes through the corridor, it’s tentacles grabbing at the kanjis as it chokes them. Patting Poe’s shoulder, I pull him along as we sprint the other way.

Poe swearing colourfully as he fixes his footing. Then we hear a yell that sounds too familiar. “Finn?” I scream out, wildly searching for our friend. 

“Ben!” I hear him yell. Poe keeps shouting his name, telling him we’re coming, as we sprint down the corridors, the metal underneath us clanging deafeningly. We round the corner and I let out my breath in a whose when I spot him.

“Over here,” I shout as Finn turns to face us, a toothy smile on his own face. But as we’re about ten feet from him, an ugly howl sounds. I inhale a sharp breath when tentacles wrap around Finn’s ankles and he falls to the ground with a sickening thud. He yells out in fear as the rathtar starts to drag him down the corridor, gripping aimlessly at the ground.

“No, _Finn_!” Poe shouts out as he sprints towards him, arms reaching out. But the rathtar is too fast for either of us to catch up. Swearing, I dart into the opposite hall, letting Poe chase after Finn on his own. Feet pounding against the metal floor, I race forward, hoping to cut the creature off.

Heart thudding, I lower my brows when I slide to the right, meeting the rathtar in front of me. It roars in anger, and darts off to the side, Finn panting in fear behind it.

Fingers twitching, I reach out, desperately clinging to the Force around me. Fingers tightening into a closed fist, I tug. The tentacles are severed from the rathtar by the Force and Finn scrambles away as the creatures hisses in pain.

Running over to him, I help him up and away from the creature as it slinks off in misery. “Holy  shit ,” Poe swears when he reaches us, wrapping his arms around us both quickly before he lets go. “We’ve got to get the fuck out of here.”

“Never listening to one of your plans again,” Poe  grins as we run back towards the Falcon.

“You’re the one who messed it up,” Finn points out, rolling his eyes as we make it back to the hangar. We get there at the same time as Han and Chewie, R9 speeding up the ramp into the Falcon ahead of them.

“Help Chewie,” he says to me and I grunt as the wookie wraps an arm around me and one around Finn, cringing under the weight. “You’re the pilot, right?” he asks Poe, who’s expression really doesn’t match the situation we’re in right now.

“Watch the thrust,” Han says to Poe as I slide Chewie down onto the booth. “We’re leaving here at lightspeed.”

“From inside the hangar? That’s not possible,” Poe speculates, shooting me a wide-eyed look. “Is it possible?” I just shrug before I turn back to Chewie who’s bleeding from his torso.

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it,” Han murmurs, flicking switches as he sits down beside Poe. We all flinch when a rathtar leaps onto the ship, teeth clamped down around the cockpit. “This is not how I thought today was going to go,” my father grumbles from his seat and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

“Angle the shield,” he orders Poe before he turns back to us, meeting my eyes. “Hang on back there,” he nods, emotion flashing across his eyes. When he turns back, he cocks his head at the console panel, frowning.

“Forgot the compressor,” Poe grins before he reaches over Han and presses it, the ship lurching forward into hyperspace. I grip onto Finn as we fly forward, back slamming against the seat.

“That was fun,” Finn breathes from beside me, eyes glassy. He frowns when Chewie murmurs that he almost got eaten, unable to understand. I laugh, letting my head drop onto the seat. “Fun,” I agree, murmuring softly.

Kira Ren

I can’t get rid of the sell of oak. It seems to surround me, no matter how many times I scrub myself. The scent of Ben Solo won’t leave me.

I straighten my back once the turbolift opens, Hux striding out. He arches a sly brow as he comes up beside me. We’re the same height, but Hux feels so much shorter than me. I wish I could just kill him and be done with it. But Snoke likes him for some reason. I don’t know why; the insufferable slug has no redeeming qualities.

But he was the one who was contacted about the droid’s location  by Bala-Tik so I have to bring him with me to meet Snoke.

“Shall we, Commander?” he asks, offering out his arm for me to take. Sneering, I storm ahead of him, pushing his arm out of the way.

I enter the room first, Hux scuttling behind me, and I immediately drop into a bow. “Get up,” Snoke sighs, disgust coating his voice. Throat bobbing,  I rise, hands stiff at my side as I look up at the hologram.

“Soon, the droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance,” Snoke drawls, his casual tone threatening.  His quiet words are sharper than his shouts. More precise, more deadly. I can feel the blades already against my skin, digging in with warning. “Leading them to the last Jedi. If _Skywalker_ returns,” he continues, his voice hissing at the name. I know Snoke attempted to kill Skywalker many years ago, right before the First Order found me.

I think Snoke was convinced he had killed Skywalker, and then the whisperings of the last Jedi retreating to an undisclosed location started, and Snoke’s wanted him dead ever since.

“The new Jedi will rise,” Snoke continues, leaning forward, his beady eyes trained on me. I don’t speak, barely even breathe, just keep my head straight forward. When Hux opens his stupid goddamn mouth, Snoke’s head snaps towards him.

“Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility-”

“General,” Snoke explodes, cutting off Hux as he rises in his seat. Glancing to my side, I’m surprised to see that Hux doesn’t look scared, mostly just looks pissed off.  “Our strategy must now change,” Snoke says, voice calmer as he sits back down. His fists are still tightened.

“The weapon,” Hux says, voice as firm as I’ve ever heard it. “It is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government who supports the Resistance. The Republic.” Frowning behind my mask, I watch Hux carefully. That is a bold statement. 

“Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable. We will stop them before they reach Skywalker.” Snoke relaxes in his chair, resting his chin in his palm.

“Oversee the preparations,” he finally says, dismissing Hux with a wave of the hand. Hux gives a tight nod before he turns, sneering at me before he leaves, boots licking against the floor.

Bastard.

“There has been an awakening.” I turn back to face Snoke, muscles in my temples tight. “Have you felt it?”

“Yes,” I nod , thankful for the voice modifier. He can’t hear my voice waver . “The Solo boy.”

“He seems to have made quite the impression on you.” My body stiffens at that. Does he know about the bond between us? No, there’s no way he could know that.

Fear grips me. He can’t know. He’ll break it. And I need it. To find him. To bring him back to me so I can end him.

“I can assure you that he hasn’t,” I say slowly, throat bobbing. I need to get out of this room. Snoke hums, nodding his head slowly.

“Keep it that way, my apprentice,” he breathes, the warning in his voice clear as day, before the hologram flickers away. I didn’t even realise I was holding my breath until he disappears and  the tension in my body lets go.

Wrapping an arm around myself, I let my eyes flutter shut. The Force reaches out, searching for Solo, but he’s not there. The only thing I can feel is his absence, loud and cold. Letting out an annoyed grunt, I tell myself that Snoke won’t need to find out about the bond.

I’ll end Solo before he realises. 

I pivot on my heels and take off back towards my office, not completely and utterly hating the smell of the oak and dried caf beans anymore.


	9. Zelosians and Fanfar Players

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and the gang arrive at Maz’s castle.

Ben

  
“This  is not D’Qar,” I frown as we come out of hyperspace. The navigation system clearly shows that we’re in the Western Reaches. “We need to go to D’Qar,” I sigh as Poe tends to Finn’s gash from Jakku. He holds him still when Finn squirms, cringing as Poe rubs some sort of salve across his cut.

Chewie’s all bandaged up beside me, watching me carefully as he plays cards against himself. 

“How do you think we managed to track you down?” Han asks, voice tight as he spins around in his chair to glare at me. “We latched onto the Falcon’s signature. So did the Guavians. So will the First Order.” He rakes a hand through his grey hair, eyes weary. “If you want to take your droid to the Resistance, you’re going to need a new ship.”

I nod, silently conceding. “What if they still track us?” I breathe to Poe and Finn when Han turns back to the controls, Chewie sitting down beside us. “We only have one shot at this, what if we-”

“Buddy,” Poe says, throwing me a light smile. “You’ve got to calm down, alright? Why are you so worried?” Frowning, I fall back into the seat. Why  _am_ I so worried?

Excusing myself, I leave the cockpit, clutching my head. Why won’t this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach go away? It’s crippling, rippling out in dark waves.  Oh.

This fear isn’t mine. It’s Kira Ren’s. And it’s manifesting in me somehow.

Sitting down on the window seat in the hall beside the engine room, I lean my head againt the plastic panels. Glancing out across the endless black space, I bite my lip. Somewhere, light years away, Kira Ren’s scared.

Gritting my teeth, I shake my head. _Good_. She deserves it. She’s a warlord. A ruthless murderer. She should be scared. Her inevitable retribution should scare the shit out of her.

She murdered San Tekka. Took him down in one strike. She’s ordered the execution of hundreds of innocent people. She’s a tyrant.

So why, every time I shut my eyes, do I not see the face of a snake? Why do I only see soft, freckled skin? Hazel eyes flecked with gold. Lean, muscular legs tensing under the fitted black trousers. Pointed red lips.

The smell of rain and lavender haunts me as I drift off, head against the window as I clutch my knees to my chest.

The trip is short, and Finn comes to find me once we’re about to land. “Ben,” he starts, sitting down next to me. “I think this is it for me.”

“What?” I ask, brows furrowing as I look up at him. He scratches the back of his neck, eyes down at his boots.

“I’m not cut out for all this,” he explains. “I don’t think, I can’t do it all again…” he trails off. “I agree with the Resistance, the First Order needs taken down, but Ben,” he shakes his head, looking up at me with wide, begging eyes. “The Resistance doesn’t stand a chance.”

I nod slowly, shrugging to try and get rid of the sinking feeling in my gut. “I’m not sticking around either,” I tell him, throwing him a lopsided smile as I pat the top of R9. “Just delivering the map, and we’re off again.”

Finn nods, biting the bottom of his lip as he glances out the window. We land in a grassy clearing, lush scenery surrounding us. “I don’t know if I’ll tell Poe,” Finn breathes. “I knew you’d understand, at least on some level, but if I tell Poe…” he gives a huff of amusement, but there’s little humour behind it. “I don’t want to see the way he’ll look at me once he finds out. I know that I’m being a coward. I don’t need Poe to tell me that,” he insists, standing up and brushing down his trousers once we land, the ship jolting slightly.

“Finn,” I say, tugging him back slightly as we watch Han walks down the ramp, towards the castle looming over the trees. Chewie watches us go, waving as he stays behind to fix ‘the shit that junk-dealer on Jakku added’ my father so dearly commented on.

Poe’s right behind him, fiddling with some piece of machine as BB-8 and R9 whirr alongside him.

“Thank you,” I say sincerely, clapping his shoulder. He nods, elbowing me lightly as we start to follow the others. “If you’re ever in the Outer Rim, give me a shout, Solo.”

I smile, appreciating the gesture when Poe shouts over to us. “Hurry the hell up,” the pilot sighs, rolling his eyes. “What are you two even chattering on about anyway?” he asks when we reach him, throwing one arm over either of us.

“Nothing,” Finn murmurs, remorse and guilt painting his dark eyes.

“We’re this close,” Poe grins, oblivious to Finn’s inner turmoil. “Just wait till you see the ships I’ve got back home,” he winks up at Finn before he turns to me. “Bet you missed the soup from the mess hall, eh?” he laughs, shaking his head as the three of us wander into the massive stone courtyard.

I recognise Maz Kantana’s castle from the times I tagged along with my father as a child, but it’s even busier than I remembered. Flags of all different colours are strung along, making a sky of bright colours and acceptance. Everyone’s welcome here. Maz told me that the first time I’d come, flicking me on the nose before sliding me some candy while she talked to Han.

Of course, I didn’t realise then that that had meant that Maz owned a gathering place for smugglers, pirates and scavengers from across the whole galaxy. As we walk through, Poe’s arm still wrapped around me, my stomach clenches. I haven’t been back here since I was seven years old.

It would’ve been a useful resource for the past five years, since a good chunk of criminals operate out of Maz’s castle, but I couldn’t ever bring myself to come back. Couldn’t risk the chance of running into my father.

“Solo!” I can’t help but smile as I watch Maz greet my father, patting his hand, a wide smile on her face. And then her eyes fall on me and her mouth gapes open. “Well I never, Ben Solo,” she laughs as she struts over to us, shaking her head in disbelief. “Last time I saw you you were my height,” she laughs. “Now look at you.”

“Well,” I shrug awkwardly. Nodding, she looks at me knowingly, a smile on her lips like we share a secret no one else knows. “I assume you need something. Desperately, I suppose, if you’ve come to me. Come on then,” she says before she leads us through her castle. We have to squeeze past single file through the hordes of people milling around, shadows and whispers hidden behind the colourful exterior.

Women dance, glistening jewels sending beams of light across the room as they bounce on their skirts. We pass a group of playing jizz music, the fanfar player winking at Poe as we pass, the pilot shooting him a charming grin back. Rolling my eyes, I lightly push him forward, ignoring his mock pouting.

Behind the swinging melodies and the dancers, behind the drinks and laughing, spying and secret deals hum a low song. And apparently I’m the only one who notices this. When a zelosian smirks at Poe as we pass through, her emerald eyes glinting with something more than lust, I realise that anyone could be here, and that we’re not exactly an inconspicuous group.

Ignoring Poe’s protests, I throw my cloak over him, covering his bright orange jumpsuit. “You’re like a fucking beacon with that uniform,” I hiss as I steer him away from his conquest.

“ _Or_ ,” Poe counters, throwing the zelosian one last simpering look. “Maybe I’m just extraordinarily handsome.” R9 scoffs at that, giving a disbelieving beep before he speeds ahead of us.

“Keep it in your pants, Dameron,” I hiss, arms folded until we come to a door at the end of a secluded corridor. Maz holds it open for us and I notice as she glances at Finn when he passes, a surprised look on her face. Before I can question it, the look is gone and the door is shut.

Everyone sits down around the circular table in the small room, but I elect to stand at the side, leaning against the wall. “They found a map to Luke,” Han tells Maz, eyes shooting up to me before he shakes his head lightly. “They need a clean ship to get it to Leia.”

“Skywalker, huh?” she hums, eyes blinking under her glasses. “No one’s seen him in decades. Some say he’s dead. That Snoke killed him.”

“You know he’s not,” I say from where I’m standing. “You can feel him in the Force, can’t you?”

Maz doesn’t reply instantly, just tilts her head at me, eyes squinting. “I feel _something_ in the Force,” she agrees, slouching back in her chair as she scratches her chin. “You’ve avoided the fight too long, Solo,” Maz muses, eyes flicking towards my father. “You forget what you used to take pride in, old man.”

“I don’t intend to jump back in,” he tells her, folding his arms. Maz frowns, shaking her head.

“We came here for your help,” Poe cuts in, desperation lacing his voice. I know Poe, and I can feel the restlessness in his bones. He needs to be back, flying and fighting. It’s wearing on him.

“What fight?” I muse from the side, pushing up off the wall as I wander closer to the table.

Maz smiles that knowing smile again before he looks up at me. “The same fight we’ve been fighting for years, young Skywalker.” Han bristles at that, his breath hitching as I look down at him. He doesn’t meet my eyes. “You know it. You feel it. The fight against evil. I’ve seen it manifested in many ways. The Empire. The First Order.”

Biting my lip, I ignore the clenching in my stomach. I tried to run from the fight just like Han. But my father isn’t force-senstive. He could run, turn a blind eye to the consequences of the dark side. But even though I want to, even though I so desperately want to stop fighting, I can’t ignore it. I don’t have any other choice anymore. 

“Shadows are spreading across the Galaxy. We must stop it. Fight them,” Maz says, throwing me one more sharp look before she turns to everyone sat around the table. “All of us.”

“There is no fight against the First Order,” Finn cuts in, leaning across the table. Everyone turns to him, and I slink back against the wall, watching as Poe stares at Finn with wide eyes. “Not one we can win.”

“Finn-” Poe starts.

“Ben saw it,” Finn says, cutting him off as he looks towards Poe, a sorrowful but confident look on his face. “There are spies everywhere, that zelosian wasn’t just looking at you, Poe. She was looking at your uniform. At R9. The First Order could be on their way here right now.” He looks like he’s going to keep going, when Maz adjusts her googles and crawls up onto the table, leaning closer to Finn.

“Ben?” Finn asks, shooting me a sideways glance as Maz continues towards him. “What’s she doing?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug, pushing my tongue into my cheek. “But it isn’t good.”

“If you live long enough,” Maz says, tilting her head at Finn curiously as the man leans back slightly, fingers gripping the seat. “You see the same eyes in different people. I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run.”

Finn’s throat bobs, and his chest rises quickly. “No,” Poe starts. “Finn isn’t-”

“You don’t know a thing about me,” Finn says, glaring at Maz. He leans forward, eyes narrowed and voice strong. “Where I’m from. What I’ve seen. Or know the First Order like I do. We should _all_ be running.”

Maz hums before she settles back in her seat. “Where are you running to?” she asks, pressing her lips together.

“The Outer Rim,” Finn answers instantly. Maz nods slowly, nimble fingers tapping on the table.

“Find Sidon Ithano and Quiggold,” she finally says, eyes settling on Finn, painted with a splash of respect. “They’ll trade work for voyage. Should be by the bar. Good luck vanishing,” she adds before she turns to Han.

“ _Finn_ ,” Poe hisses from his chair, lurching towards our friend. “What are you doing?” Finn frowns, eyes full of pain as he reaches forward. “Poe, I can’t do it again. I’m sorry,” he breathes, hand on his arm. Poe tugs away, like Finn’s burned him. Folding his arm, he turns to face the floor, muscles in his neck tensing. Poe didn’t even act like this when I told him I was leaving. Just patted me on the shoulder and told me he always knew I was a bastard. But he’s really taking Finn leaving to heart.

Finn sighs before he stands, holding out the blaster Han gave him as he passes my father. Han looks at him, his face a cast of understanding before he shakes his head. “Keep it kid,” he smiles, lightly pushing the blaster back into Finn’s arms.

“I’ll see you around, Solo,” he says when he passes me, lingering in the threshold.

“See you around,” I nod, heart clenching as I watch him leave. The room’s silent for a couple of minutes, before Maz speaks, breaking the still, tense air. “What kind of ship?” she asks, arching a brow at Poe.

The pilot lets out a frustrated groan before he stands up quickly, chair legs scraping against stone as he storms towards me. “Come on,” he growls, lips a thin line before he slams open the door.

“We’ll be one second,” I smile at Maz and Han before I chase after Poe, who’s chasing after Finn. We find him at the bar, speaking to two pirates. “What do you think you’re doing?” Poe yells angrily, scowling at Finn. The two aliens scowl at Poe, clearly annoyed that their bargaining is being interrupted.

Sighing, Finn tells the pirates not to leave without him before he tugs Poe away from them. I follow them, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t want Finn to leave, but it’s not like we can force him to fight for the Resistance.

“You can’t just go,” Poe hisses, brows lowered as he shrugs Finn off of him. “I won’t let you.”

“I can’t do it again,” Finn breathes, voice calm.

“Stop saying that,” Poe sighs, angrily. “What does that even mean?”

“I’ve seen thousands of people die,” Finn starts. “Some stormtroopers, some innocent people. Some Resistance soldiers. I have seen ships crash, the pilot running as he burned alive. And I barely survived that. I wasn’t living,” he says, voice shaky now. “I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t see all that destruction. And if I come and fight with you two,” he shakes his head. “I’ll still see that. It doesn’t matter what side you’re on, okay? Not to me. I can’t watch more people die like that. On a battlefield with no one by their side. I can’t watch _you two_ die.”

Poe shakes his head, gripping onto Finn’s tunic. “Don’t. Go,” he says. Finn gives a shaky sigh before he pries Poe’s fingers off of him, taking a step back.

“Take care of yourselves,” he murmurs softly, shooting me a soft smile. Then he walks away, following the two pirates out of the castle.

“Poe,” I start, reaching out towards my friend. But he just shakes his head, sighing before he says he’s going to go find us a ship, barging off in the other direction.

I go to follow him, when I hear a muffled cry. It sounds like a child. Glancing around, I knit my brows together when no one around me reacts. I follow the sound of the child, finding myself in a narrow, dimly lit staircase.

I tentatively move down onto the first step, head snapping up when the wailing gets louder. I run down the stairs, taking them two at a time as I call out.

“It’s alright, I’m coming,” I call out as I run. “Are you injured?” But when I come to the bottom of the stairs, there’s no one there. Just a dusty room filled with boxes and old junk. I shake my head, and make to go back up the stairs. I shouldn’t have let Poe out of my sight anyway.

Then a shiver runs down my spine slowly, and I look over my shoulder. My eyes fall on a small wooden box, right at the end of the hall. Mouth feeling dry, I take a involuntary step forward. The sound of my boots echo across the room.

Before I realise it, I’m crouching down beside the box, fingers reaching out. Before I can question it, I throw open the lid, face paling as I glance down into it.

Anakin Skywalker’s saber gleams up at me.


	10. Living Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben touches the saber and has a moment. Kira Ren rages some more.

Kira Ren

_Control_.

Fifty small training droids hover around me, mini blasters ready to shoot. Rolling my wrist, my saber lights. Eyes shutting, I let out a controlled breath. Time slows down as I reach out, the Force guiding even my first step. Breathing slow and measured, I spin. The droids start firing at me.

_ Must have control. _

The saber hisses as it slashes through the air. Droids fall to the ground.

_Keep control._

The red light sends dancing light that I can’t see around the dark room, surrounding me as I move. I can’t see the flashing light, but I can feel it. Just like I can feel every single droid around me.

_ Always keep that control. Don’t let go. _

Eyes shut, I let the Force guide me, saber crackling in my hands. I squirm in my robe as I keep parrying shots, the weapon heavy in my hands. Time moves past me, and I move through it, feeling every movement around me.

I feel my heartbeat in my fingers, feel the blood rushing through my veins, feel the bones wrapped around the saber’s hilt. I duck and spin and kick, avoiding the droids’ shots. Each time one falls to the floor with a sharp thudding sound, my grin grows wider.

I take out the last one, bringing down the saber over my head. Eyes flashing open, I smile to myself. Drawing back from the Force, I roll my shoulders back. I look down at all the smoking droids around me, pride swelling in my chest. Control.

Then something hits my shoulder, and I cry out. Spinning around, I hiss when I see one last droid hovering behind me.

The tether I have on my power, the control I have, snaps. I scream out in frustration and anger. Brandishing my saber again, I let out a violent roar, slashing into the droid. It crackles as fire licks it, falling to the floor. But I can’t stop. I bring my saber down on it again and again and again, until it’s nothing but pieces of ash.

Panting heavily, I let the saber drop from my fingers. Head in my hands, I lean against the wall. Control, I mutter to myself. Control. Control. Control.

Head thudding and anger coursing through my veins, I drop to the floor in a ball, surrounded by smoke and spluttering flames.

  
Ben

Unable to stop myself, I reach forward, clutching the saber. Holding it up, the metal shines in the light. I trace it with my fingers, intrigued by its beauty. Sighing, I go to put it back, when someone calls me name. Standing up, saber still in my hands, I look for the voice.

But then my body’s torn from the vacant room, and I’m standing on a landing platform, surrounded by smoke. I meet a pair of yellow, empty eyes and a man walks out of the smoke, cloak pulled over his head. I take a step back, stumbling. Glancing behind me, I see a sea of spitting lava. Looking back at the man, I watch as he pulls his hood down.

A man stands before me, half of his face seared and singed. The other half is of a handsome young man, a scar snaking down across his eye. He reaches out, and I instinctively take a step back, tumbling off the platform and towards the burning lava. I scream out, reaching up, saber still stuck in my right hand.

The man peers over the platform, and the last thing I see is him shaking his head before I plunge into the blistering sea. But before I can burn alive, I’m suddenly in a desert, grey sand cushioning my fall. Scrabbling up to my feet, I curse under my breath when I see Kira Ren, clad in her mask and mountain of robes, and her knights behind her.

She stalks towards me, red saber matching her smirking lips. Frowning, I go to activate the saber in my hands but it doesn’t light. Kira Ren laughs, a grating sound that hisses right through me. She runs at me, and I hold my breath, ready for the blow, when the earth moves beneath us.

Looking up, I find myself in Hanna City, towering sandstone buildings surrounding me. My jaw falls open as I watch a forty-five-year-old Han Solo walk away from a ten-year-old me. I watch as I cling on to my mother’s skirt, shouting at my father through sobs, begging him to come back. I take a step back, confused and scared as I watch myself let go of my mother and sprint towards the Falcon as it takes off for the last time.

My dark hair is scraped back into that hairstyle I’d liked so much, a small bun at the back of my head, the rest of it down. I’m wearing that play pilot uniform Poe gave me for my ninth birthday. I look so small. So breakable.

Screwing my eyes shut, I shove my face in my hands, begging myself to wake up. But when I open them again, I’m in a forest, surrounded by falling snowflakes and a hissing wind. The Skywalker saber is stuck in the snow, and as soon as I pick it up, unable to stop myself again, a tree beside me falls, revealing Kira Ren again.

She isn’t wearing her mask now, and her knights are no where to be seen. Her hair is tumbling out of a loose bun, eyes glistening as she strikes at me. I strike back, and somehow manage to knock her saber out of her hands. I watch as it falls into the snow, melting it instantly.

But when I look back, Kira Ren is shuddering in the snow too, cowering from me. She isn’t in her gloomy, commander uniform anymore but rather a thin white outfit, her hair scraped back into three buns. Her eyes are wide as she shivers. “Monster,” she shrieks.

Frowning, I look down at myself, stumbling back when I see her saber in my own gloved hands. “I don’t-”

“Monster!” she screams even louder this time. I don’t have time to protest, because before I know it, I’m back in the basement in Maz’s castle. The saber’s still in my hand. I drop it quickly, retreating away from it cautiously. Panting heavily, I fork my fingers through my hair, clutching it.

“It’s calling to you, young Skywalker.” Jumping, I frown down at Maz as she walks out of the shadows.

“Don’t call me that,” I hiss, running a hand over my forehead.

“You are many things Ben,” she insists, kneeling down beside me as she picks up the sabre. “A legacy by birth, son of the saviours of the Galaxy. A smuggler and a petty criminal. The Prince of Alderaan.” I snort at that. Poe used to take the piss out of my title of prince. But you can’t be a prince of a dead planet.

“A talented Jedi. The last Skywalker.”

“I’m no Jedi,” I protest, elbows leaning on my knees. “I never finished my training.” Maz smiles softly at me, placing a hand on my arm.

“You don’t need the normal training to fight, Ben,” she says, eyes wide. “You know you have a strong connection to the Force. You always have. Even I can feel it. You exude power. Just like your grandfather, and your uncle.” I look down, hands in my hair.

“Anakin Skywalker attempted to destroy the Galaxy. Luke’s disappeared, ignoring everyone’s pleas for help. My bloodline isn’t exactly a prime example of honesty and virtuousness.”

“You are too quick to see the faults,” Maz chides, tongue clicking. “Luke saved the Galaxy. He only ever listened to his heart. And your grandfather was seduced by the dark side,” Maz nods. “But his raw power was extraordinary.” I shake my head, sighing. “Your mother,” she breathes. “Has fought for what is good her whole life.”

“Ben Solo,” Maz says slowly and calmly, like she’s calming down a rabid and injured animal, holding out the lightsaber to me. “You know what lies before you. You must fight for the Light. It is the only way,” she continues, gesturing for me to take the sabre.

“I didn’t ask for any of that, you know?” I say, standing up quickly. “I didn’t ask to be my parents’ legacy. Didn’t ask to have a strong connection to the Force. I don’t want any of that.” Maz just watches me, eyes wide. “Keep the saber. I don’t want it,” I shake my head before I leave the room, not realising I’m running until I end up outside.

As I wander out into the forest surrounding Maz’s castle, I can’t get that image of that man’s yellow eyes out of my mind. Kicking at the dirt, I let out a sigh.

Well, everything’s gone to shit.

Kira Ren

“Well?” I ask, leaning back in my chair as Hux’s hologram smirks up at me.

“Mission successful,” he says, slight closed lipped smile emphasising his smugness. “The Hosnian System has been wiped out.”

“Well done, General,” I click my tongue, throwing my plait over my shoulder. “I am...” I trail off, struggling to find the words. “ _Glad_.”

“And?” Hux asks, cocking his head. “What about your little quest?”

I roll my eyes. “That is none of your concern.”

“Ah,” he nods, faking sympathy. “So I take it you still don’t have the droid’s location. Or Ben Solo’s.”

My hands clench into fists under my desk.

“ _Actually_ ,” I hiss, narrowing my eyes at him. “They’re on Takodana. I’m about to head there now. To retrieve the droid.” Hux nods slowly and it’s only when he laughs do I realise he was goading me.

“Well, I wish you the best of luck on your little conquest,” Hux sneers, and before I can reply the hologram flickers off. Fuck. I lean forward on my desk, hand splayed out on the surface. I glare down at the seam where the janitors glued the desk back together after I broke it.

Hux cannot have one up on me. His weapon may have been a success, but I’ll be damned if he beats me. I will find the map to Skywalker. I will slaughter him, finishing what Snokestarted. Then I’ll kill Ben Solo, destroying the last of the Jedi.

Clenching my fist, I imagine what it’ll be like. To finally be rid of the goddamn Jedi. I let out a small smile before I spin in my chair, looking at the wall behind me. Paintings of past commanders, generals and sith from the Empire. Ysanne Isard, Lumiya and Grand Admiral Thrawn, amongst other leaders stare down at me, eyes hard and cold.

But it’s the portrait of the chosen one who I focus in on, Darth Vader looking down at me behind his helmet. “I will finish what you all started,” I breathe as I stand. “I swear it.”

I do not keep these portraits for encouragement. No, all of these people were failures, never finishing what they set out to do. But I will be better. I will compete the course so many failed. I am stronger. In almost every way.

Eyes settling on Darth Vader again, I frown. Not in that respect. I can only hope that I can wield the Force as well as he did. Could only imagine possessing that raw power he held. That was passed down to Solo, who squanders it. Like an infantile fool.

Calling my saber to my hand, I place my mask on my head. “I live through you,” I say to the portrait. “Live to finish this.”

I know I was born for this. This is my goal, my purpose. And nothing is going to stand in my way anymore. Not even Ben Solo. The boy who won’t get out of my head.


	11. Lungs Full of Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Online school is up now so updates will probably be less, maybe every two-three days now.
> 
> Hope you’re all safe and healthy :)

Ben

Frowning at R9, I drop against a fallen tree, biting the back of my knuckles. “You didn’t need to follow me. I just need...I just need a moment.” I kick the droid lightly when he hisses back that he only followed me because I’m rash and irresponsible and my mother would permanently switch him off if something ever happened to me.

“I didn’t know you had an off switch,” I muse, brow arched, biting my bottom lip. “That would’ve been useful these past five years.”

We stay against the mossy log for a couple of minutes, hands over my ears and face buried in my knees. I wish I could just switch everyone’s off button. Wish the Galaxy had an off button.

“We should find another ship.” I let my dark thoughts tumble from my mouth, R9 spinning to face me. “We should just leave again. Get as far away as we can. Just like Finn.” 

R9 doesn’t respond, and I watch as he clicks at something, eyes wide when he projects an image into the air. It’s the map. The map to my uncle. 

R9 whirrs as I stare at it. Luke. I don’t let myself think about my uncle often. Hurts to much. He was the second one to abandon me. But unlike Han, who abandoned me, his son, Luke abandoned his best padawan. Not only his nephew, his twin sister’s son, but a child with too much power to know what to do with.

He left me to figure it out on my own. I tried for three years after Luke left, tried to train myself in the ways of the Force. It didn’t work. So I left my sabre at my mother’s house and I left. 

“I’ll fight with them,” I concede finally, looking up at the droid. “I’ll fly their ships and fight on ground. But I’m not a Jedi, R9. I’m not touching a sabre again. Skywalker can eat shit.”

R9 whirrs something about me not realising my true potential when I pick up on the hum of engines. Signalling for the droid to shut up, I slowly stand up, legs straightening when ten TIE fighter shoot past, headed straight for Maz’s castle. Straight towards Poe. 

“You have got to be shitting me,” I sigh before I take off back towards the castle, R9 chasing after me. We pause on the outskirts of the forest, watching as the ships shoot, the beautiful castle tumbling down. The flags burn and the stained glass panes smash, screams echoing. 

I feel Kira Ren’s presence before I spot her ship landing, a hurricane of anger and uncontrolled power. I undo my blaster from my belt when I spot a trooper near me, spinning it in my hands before I shoot. The trooper falls dead before they even see me.

“Still got it,” I tell R9 before other troopers start shooting at us, chasing us further into the woods. “Okay buddy,” I pant as we run, shooting behind me. “You’re going to have to go without me, I’ll hold them off.”

R9 beeps angrily, refusing to move as shots echo around us. “I know I promised,” I sigh exasperatedly. “But I also promised myself I wouldn’t get involved in this shit again, and look where we are.”

I don’t give the droid time to argue, just leap up closer towards the troopers. The two of them fall onto the sodden dirt. I turn and run as fast as I ever have.

I duck behind a tree when I hear the roar of more engines, but a grin splits across my face as I recognise the Resistance ships fly across the sky, shooting in the direction of the castle. 

Then a cold darkness whispers against my neck. I feel her before I hear the sound of her saber. Taking a slow step back, I try and figure out where she is. “Stop running.” Her voice echoes around me, but I can’t tell if it’s in my mind or if she’s actually speaking. Maybe she doesn’t know either.

“I’m not a fool,” I say through the bond, taking more careful steps back as I attempt to distract her. “We both know who’ll win a fight between us right now.”

“I’ll _always_ win, Solo.” Spinning around, I stumble as Kira Ren appears behind me, saber gleaming. “I felt you,” she breathes through her mask, taking a step closer towards me. I take one back. “You were scared. I felt it.” She must’ve felt me when I touched Anakin’s saber. I don’t tell her that obviously, just keep my jaw clenched as I slowly retreat.

“I always feel you,” she snarls, flexing her fingers on her saber. “I can’t wait to end you. Get you out of my goddamn head.”

“And here I was thinking that we were getting somewhere,” I grin, distracting her as I try and aim my blaster discreetly. 

“I’m going to kill you,” she says again, another step forward.

“You know, you keep saying that,” I mutter, looking down at her as I take another step back. “But alas, here I am.”

I quickly bring up the blaster, aiming straight for her chest. She parries it with little effort, swinging the saber in her hand to deflect the shot. Quickly stumbling back, I just keep shooting. She deflects every one.

“You can’t beat me Solo,” she says, rolling her shoulders back as she ropes the blaster from my hand with the Force.

“Well, that’s not very fair, is it? I mean-“ I shut up when she grabs me with the Force, my body not wholly mine anymore. Everything inside me screams out as she stalks towards me, extinguishing her sabre. 

I try and trash, but her hold on me is too strong, and I can barely even move my eyes too look up at her. She placed her gloves hand on my cheek, and my whole face burns.

She watches me, and I don’t need to see her face without the mask to know what she’s thinking. I can already feel her heartbeat coursing through my own bones. Can feel every fear and worry she has. 

Control.

She keeps murmuring that word in her mind, over and over again. She uses the Force to undo her helmet, the mask tumbling to the ground. She doesn’t move her hand from my face.

She leans in close, lips brushing my skin as she whispers. “It will be so glorious to watch the fire in your heart flicker out.” She leans back, a sly smirk across those lips before she flicks her hand. My body flies towards her.

Hovering in front of her, I try and silently fight against her hold on me. She doesn’t seem to notice, just keeps watching me carefully. Her dark eyes do wide before she takes a step back from me. The hold tightens, my throat closing up.

I pant out in protest, gripping at my throat as all my muscles seize up. But Kira doesn’t even seem to notice as she slowly backs up, blinking at me. My eyes start to water as a I scratch at my throat. “How is this possible?” she breathes, brows furrowing. 

A sour tang coats my mouth as the world starts to tilt. Kira Ren starts to blur as she looks down at the floor, hand in her hair. 

A slow, frustrating fire starts to burn in my chest, slowly spreading out across my lungs. It feels like I’m being burned alive. My fingers drop from my neck as I struggle to breathe. 

Eyes shutting, I try one last stupid and desperate plan to save my life. I scream out down our bond, pulling at Kira Ren through the Force as much as I can before everything goes dark.

Kira Ren

The dry leaves crackle under my boots as I lunge towards Solo. His scream for help rattles around my mind, a warning alarm blaring. Letting my hold on him go, I catch him in my arms, slowly dropping him to the ground. 

“No,” I hiss, grabbing his face. “Not like this.” This isn’t how I wanted it to go. This isn’t glorious. Two equals up against each other in a raging battle. This is me strangling a boy in a forest without even realising.

“Solo,” I hiss, hands planted on his face. Prying open his eyes, I’m met with bloodshot tears. “Fuck,” I panic, reaching out into the bond. I can feel it freezing over, feel him slipping away from me.

Jaw clenching, I cup his face with my hands. I’ve never been taught force healing - Snoke thought it was a useless skill to learn since the dark side of the force’s healing takes more than it gives. But I’ve read about it. How the Jedis could heal bones and muscle with the Force. How they could even rid bodies of poison.

I cannot do that. But I can ease it. Watching Solo carefully, I pull on the Force, gasping when it pulls back. I almost resist it, trying to retreat, when I feel Solo’s skin grow cold under my palms. So I let the Force pull from me. 

I squirm, feeling vulnerable and pathetic. But I need Solo alive. He can’t go like this. I need to defeat him fairly. 

I feel him when he regains consciousness. Instantly pulling back, I feel his lightness slowly creeping back into my mind. I draw my hands back when he starts spluttering, sitting up straight as he heaves his guts up. 

He drops back down, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You fucking strangled me,” he croaks, eyes wide as he watches the sky. I roll my eyes, brushing the dirt from my knees before I stand up.

“Why’d you do it?” he asks after I signal for back up, tentatively picking him up in my hold again. I don’t put any pressure around his neck. Just his ankles and wrists. Flicking my hand forward, he moves towards me.

“I don’t want to best you in a forest in the middle of no where,” I breathe as troopers race over to us. “That’s not how legends are made.” Before he can reply, I click my fingers, the Force gluing his lips shut.

“Call for a retreat,” I tell the troopers when they reach us. “He’s all we need. He’s seen the map now.” His eyes glint with frustration and also weariness as I stride back toward the ship, Solo right behind me.

“You’re not getting away this time,” I tell him as we walk. He grunts in response.

As we stride across the ruins of the castle, someone shouts out. “Ben! No! Ben!” Glancing around, my eyes fall on a young man running towards us. He’s holding the Skywalker saber.

Heart clenching, I debate whether I should kill him or not. But as he gets closer, I just shake my head and walk up into the ship, forcing Solo to move with me. The man continues to shout outside but his desperate pleas are shut off when the hatch shuts behind us. 

I turn back to Solo as the ship takes off, the metal floor beneath us rattling. “Your friends are pathetic,” I tell him, finding my arms.

He hisses something, and even though he can’t speak, the fuck you is very clear in his eyes. I just grin at him. Finally. 

Ben Solo is back right where I want him.


	12. Shards of Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira attends a meeting. Ben and Kira talk and then they shout, just like always.

Kira Ren

“Snoke has ordered the destruction of the Resistance base,” one of the generals says before a hologram model of the Ileenium Sytem projects up over the long table. I sit at the end, legs swinging as the men around me drone on. The chairs on this ship are always too high. Everything on this goddamn ship is always a bit wrong. 

I just can’t stop thinking about Ben Solo’s bloodshot eyes, the way he’d looked at me with such a burning hatred.

“Do we know which planet the base is located on?” General Quinn asks from my left. Shifting in my seat, my hair tickles the back of my neck. I would rather wear my helmet in these meetings but Snoke always says that my generals need to look me in the eyes and see that flickering fire. Need to be reminded of my authority. 

So instead of my preferred outfit of the specialised leggings and my loose tunic under my bundle of black leather cape, I have to wear a uniform like them. I wriggle, the tight fighting commander’s jacket itching my back. My uniform is just another silent show of my power. Another warning.

Unlike the others, who wear a black or grey uniform, brandishing their code cylinders, I wear a completely plain uniform. Completely plain, dull _white_ uniform.

I hate the creamy soft colour. It makes me feel ill, but the first time it was sent to my chambers with a note from Snoke, I knew better than to complain.

So I sit at the head of the table, a blinking star amongst the sea of darkness. The generals all hate me anyway, and the uniform does nothing more than remind them of that hatred. They think I’m too brash, too reckless, too young.

I see it in their eyes, in their whispers, in the way they glance at each other after I give an order. I wish they would all burn.

“We don’t know which planet specifically. We only managed to track their reconnaissance ship to the system. We lost the signal after that,” Hux replies, from his place right across from me, at the other side of the table. “But the Supreme Leader has commanded that we eliminate the whole system.” There are murmurs of agreement. I try to not roll my eyes. Like any of them would dare speak up if they disagreed anyway.

“Next point on the agenda,” one of the generals beside Hux mutters. I never bothered to learn their names. They’re all just the same to me. Everyone’s just the same to me. Their meek faces, weak minds. For my whole life it’s like I’ve been living amongst statues. They all blend together, a sea of senselessness.

Solo’s face is the first one I’ve ever seen. And now it won’t leave me alone.

Soft eyes. Strong jaw. Cocky grin with those soft dimples. Moles and freckles scattered across his pale skin. Unkempt hair, waving in the wind. The way the skin between his brows crinkle when he’s angry. Which is most of the time. At least when we see each other.

I blink when someone says my name, pulling me out of my trance. Red prickling up my neck, I stare back at the men watching me carefully. Hux narrows his eyes at me, sensing my unease. “What was the question?” I ask as I lean back in my chair, plastering on a cast of boredom.

“You have the map to Skywalker?” Hux says slowly, dragging out the syllables. Prick. He knows I haven’t had time to interrogate Solo. He was the one who dragged me away from him, demanding I attend the weekly meeting with the Board.

“Not yet,” I hiss through gritted teeth. “I have not yet found the time to interrogate the prisoner.”

“Women rarely manage to sort through their priorities,” the general beside Hux laughs, picking up his glass of water. None of the other men laugh with him. Some of them wince, Hux paling as he widens his eyes at the man beside him.

The board may not like me. But they respect me. They know how powerful I am. Know I’m a good soldier. Snoke’s apprentice. Commander of the First Order’s armies. A woman, but a woman who controls them.

The man’s glass smashes in his hand. He swears colourfully, blood dripping down his arm. He hisses before he goes to stand up out of his chair. Hands tightening into fists under the table, I use the Force to hold him down. His eyes widen as he struggles against my hold, the shards of glass slowly rising in the air.

There’s no sound in the room bar his heavy breathing as the glass aims at him. He looks towards me, shaking in my hold. “Apologies, Commander Ren,” he says, voice breaking. “I did not mean to offend-” The glass slices into him.

He gargles, blood slipping out of his neck, before he crumples in his chair. “Are we done?” I ask through gritted teeth, fingers unfurling on the armrest. “I suppose we are,” Hux muses, too calm for a man who just witnessed a murder. But I think Hux is too far gone too care. That’s the one similarity we’ll ever share. “Good,” I scowl as I stand up, chair scraping as the men hold their breaths. “Let me go sort out my priorities,” I hiss as I leave the room, door slamming behind me.

Ben

They don’t lock me in an interrogation room this time. As soon as the ship landed, Kira Ren flicked her hand, and I started floating beside her. “I have working legs,” I sneered after realising she’d let go of her hold on my mouth.

She hadn’t replied. Hadn’t even turned to look at me. She just stormed ahead, cape dancing behind her as four troopers flanked us.

Then we’d come to a room, deep in the ship, and she’d tossed me in, door locking behind me. I’d taken in my surroundings, but there’s literally nothing in here. Just four cement walls and a ceiling with built in lights. I pressed my ear up against the door, but I couldn’t hear anything. I could only see the shadows from the people outside from under the door.

After half an hour of nothing, I sat against the back wall. And here I still sit.

I run a hand down my face, crinkling when I see the dirt that wipes onto my palm. I really need a shower. I guess this is it for me, I frown. There’s not going to be another Finn to get me out of here. An evil thought unfurls. Maybe if I just tell Kira everything.

But then I see my mother in my mind, and I drop my head into my knees in frustration. I’ll just need to wait for an opportunity to try. And in the meantime just try and keep Kira out of my head.

As if she can hear my thoughts, which I’m starting to think she maybe can, the door clicks open and Kira strides in. I’ve run over in my head what I wanted to say to her next time she appeared, because she fucking strangled me and then saved me, but the only thing I can concentrate on is what she’s wearing.

She looks like the women my mum would introduce to me on Hosnian Prime, when I went with her to the Republic. She’s in white. This is the first time she’s ever looked like a young woman, instead of death incarnate. She almost looks innocent, with the cream trousers and the half up half down hairstyle. She’s still wearing that red lipstick, and it looks even more ethereal against the white.

Scowling, she pulls off the cream jacket she’s wearing and tosses it to the ground. Underneath she’s wearing a white, velvet vest that ends at her abdomen. I look away quickly, throat bobbing. “Tough day?” I ask mockingly when she sits across from me, huffing.

She doesn’t reply, just narrows her eyes at me slowly. Then she lashes out with her mind. I smirk when her fists tighten. Her power scratches against the wall around my mind, lashing out angrily. She’s being sloppy. Something’s riled her up.

Keeping my wall up, I try and snatch back, her eyes going wide when I grip on. “Priorities, huh?” I ask, eyebrow arched. But then I see the rest, feel the rest, and I let her go. Shivering, I rub the back of my neck, my own throat feeling too exposed. Kira drops back against the wall, watching me carefully.

I shudder, her anger at the general still coating my mind. “He shouldn’t have spoken to me like that,” she breathes, glancing away from me. Her fingers dance along the floor as she fidgets. “He shouldn’t have,” I agree begrudgingly. Her eyes flash up to meet mine. “But you killed him.”

She nods calmly. “I need the map now, Solo,” she says, ignoring my accusation. She really just doesn’t care about anyone. 

“White suits you better than black,” I tell her, tilting my head. It really does. She blinks in surprise, looking down at herself. She fiddles with the hem of her vest. “I hate it,” she breathes. “I used to wear white, on Ladarra,” she adds, a sadness clouding over her face. “It was too hot to wear any colours.”

“Ladarra,” I say. She looks up at me, and I’ve never seen Kira Ren look so human. “You were born on Ladarra?”

She nods, letting go of her vest to hug her knees to her chest. “New Hope Settlement. Only people who lived there were poor farmers, hermits or fugitives. And orphans,” she adds, a humorless smile on her beautiful face.

“Your parents,” I breathe. “I’m-”

“Shut up,” she hisses, brows lowered as she gets up to her feet, stalking towards me. Her moods change so quickly, like a switch. “It was your Resistance who killed my parents,” she says, eyes watery. “The Resistance burned down my village.”

I didn’t know that. I know the Resistance isn’t innocent in this war, but they’re fighting for freedom, at least. For what they think is right. But looking at Kira, her eyes watering in a mix sorrow and resentment, I can’t help but also hate the Resistance a little bit. She wraps her arms around herself, jaw trembling lightly as she blinks away the tears.

“Look,” I start, trying to calm her down as I stand up.

“No,” she interrupts, pushing me against the wall. Her hands don’t leave my chest as she speaks. “Enough talking. We are not equals. You are my prisoner. And you will give me the map.”

“We are equals,” I argue. “You know you can’t get into my mind. I have just as much power as you.”

“You are not trained,” she starts, jaw clenched. She turns on her heels, marching towards the door. “I will get that map. And I will kill Skywalker and make you watch. Then I will have you begging for my mercy,” she hisses before she slams the door behind her.

“Empty promises!” I shout after her, banging a fist on the door. Sighing in frustration, I slide down against the door, glancing down at the jacket she left behind. Reaching out tentatively, I pick up the soft material, running it over my fingers. “Bastard,” I sigh, leaning my head back against the wall as the jacket falls from my hands.

Even though she’s gone, I feel her everywhere. Her anger at the General, at herself, at her gender, at the way she can’t just sit still. I feel her frustration at me, at Snoke, at Hux. I feel everything. It’s deafening, a constant roar.

How does she live with herself? With these monstrous thoughts, like shadows across her heart.


	13. Calls Me the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira and Ben fight. Kira gives Ben an offer.

Ben  
  
I groan as my eyes flicker open, stretching my arms out. Maybe sleeping against the wall wasn’t the best idea. But I can never sleep unless my backs protected.   
  
“That’s my jacket.”  
  
“Fuck,” I hiss when I look up to see Kira Ren standing in the middle of the room. She’s watching me with a tilted head, like this is a massive inconvenience for her. Scrabbling up to my feet, I realise that somehow, her jacket’s in my hands again. “You’re the one who left it here,” I mutter before I chuck it at her.

I roll my eyes when it goes straight through her. “You couldn’t just have come down here if you wanted to talk to me?”  
  
“I never want to talk to you,” she snipes quickly, sounding like a stroppy teenager. “And it’s not like I want you to be standing in my room right now.”  
  
It must’ve caught her off guard too, I realise as I narrow my eyes at her. Her hair’s down, and she’s holding a brush in her hands. Her fingers are so tight around it that the wood looks ready to snap. “You can give it back to me now,” she shrugs, folding her arms.  
  
They aren’t red. I really must’ve caught her off guard. She’s wearing that usual brooding outfit, but her lips aren’t painted yet. They’re a soft pink, matching the blush on her freshly washed face. “Is it already time for interrogation?” I ask, plastering a mocking smirk on my face. She scowls, baring her teeth at me.  
  
“I need to show you something,” she hisses, hazel eyes meeting mine before she flickers away, leaving me alone again. I sigh, feeling incredibly heavy and tired. The cell door opens before I can sit down again and five troopers storm in.  
  
Three of them aim their blasters at me while two hoist me up roughly, clamping my wrists together. “Bit excessive,” I mutter as they lead me through the winding corridors. I try and follow where we’re going in relation to my cell, but after we pass the same staircase for the third time, I give up. They’re either tying to confuse me, or this place was designed for the sole purpose of being annoyingly repetitive.  
  
I’m about to say fuck it and try and use the Force when we come to a door, the troopers sliding it open before the shove me in. Loosing my footing, I stumble, growling. They shut the door behind me before I can swing at them.  
  
Frowning, I take in my surroundings. Looks like a training room of some sort. My eyes light up at the shelves displaying various weapons. A grin breaks out as I sprint towards them. But when I’m about five feet from them, my eyes set on a massive axe, blade glowing, Kira appears in front of me.  
  
She’s got her lipstick on now, and she’s wearing training clothes; tight black leggings and a loose vest. Her hair’s up in three buns, and she looks almost childlike as she grins at me. She has tape around her fists and her fingers are tapping against her legs. She’s itching for a fight.  
  
“Go on,” she nods encouragingly when I pause in my tracks. “Take it.” Frowning, I look down at the shackles on my wrist. Kira follows my eye, a small smile on her face before the chains snap, falling to the floor. We meet eyes for a moment before I scramble towards the axe, grabbing it down into my hands. It’s heavy and cumbersome but it’ll do. If I can smash it in Kira Ren’s face then it’ll do fine.  
  
I know this is a trick. It has to be. She wouldn’t practically drop a weapon into my lap if it wasn’t. She walks towards me and we start to circle each other slowly like two hounds. I flinch when she brandishes her saber, licking her teeth when it lights.  
  
“This is what you wanted to show me?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.  
  
She shakes her head, twirling the sabre in her hands. “I couldn’t sleep last night,” she says, head cocking. “What you said kept playing in my mind and -”  
  
“I’m keeping you up at night?” I smirk, eyebrow arching. The smile on my face falls when Kira leaps forward, sabre hissing as she aims for my head. I dive out of the way, reflexes quick. I’ve not used the Force in ten years, but I never forgot my normal training not just from Luke, but from the Resistance. I’ve fought a couple times in the past years, it isn’t like smuggling is a job for a pacifist.  
  
But Kira was trained to kill. She’s more weapon than person. And it shows in the way she moves, like a snake, twisting her saber in and out of her hands as she moves towards me. “Is it my grin?” I ask as I move towards her, axe aimed at her chest. “I’ve heard great things about my smile.”  
  
She rolls her eyes as she dodges my swing, barely even flinching. It’s like she knows what I’m going to do before I know myself. “What?” I frown as we circle each other again. “Do you doubt what my many lovers have said about my smile?”  
  
She scoffs, parts of her hair falling in her face as she throws me a sideways glance. “I doubt that you’ve _had_ lovers in the first place,” she breathes, running her tongue along her bottom lip.  
  
I arch an eyebrow in response, axe heavy in my hands. “I can assure you that I have,” I object when she tries to bring her saber down on me. It narrowly misses. She keeps slashing at me, forcing me backwards.  
  
“I can only imagine what type of woman would sleep with you,” she hisses, brows furrowed as I knock her saber from her hands. She snarls and makes to dash towards it. Adrenaline soars through my bones as I bring the axe up over my head. Finally. Fucking finally.  
  
I growl when the axe stops halfway. Kira grins up at me, hand outstretched as she stops my axe from slicing her head off. I tighten my hold on the hilt, trying to push it down. The muscles in my arms scream as she arches a shaped brow at me. “What type of woman,” she starts, voice low and threatening. The axe is suddenly pulled out of my hands, and I lose my balance, stumbling backwards. In a split second, Kira calls her saber to her hand before she bends down and swipes my legs. I hit the ground with a thud. Gasping out in pain, I meet Kira’s eyes as she stalks towards me, saber aimed at my chest.  
  
“Would fuck a failure?” She bends down to whisper in my ear. Her breath is hot against my face. Heart speeding up quickly, I push her away from me. “Most people would rather fuck a failure than a monster in a mask,” I hiss as I drop my head into my hands, hair sticking to my forehead as I pant.  
  
She scoffs and when I look up at her, she twirls her saber in her hands, red light casting shadows across her high cheekbones. “Trust me, Solo,” she looks at me, tilting her head with a simper plastered on her face. “I‘m the one who does the fucking.”  
  
I don’t know what to say to that, so I just drop down onto my back, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “We’re not equals,” she says, dropping down beside me. “But we could be.”  
  
I drop my hand from my face to watch her carefully. All the arrogance is gone from her face. She actually looks almost…nervous. “Let me teach you,” she offers, clutching one of her knees to her chest.  
  
“Fuck off,” I say as I stand up, arms folded as I stare down at her. This girl is insane. She thinks I’d volunteer to work with her. As her fucking apprentice. Fuck that.  
  
“I can show you how to properly use the Force,” she says, voice breaking as she takes a step closer to me. “Solo, I could teach you everything,” she says, fingers tightening into fists. “How to use that roaring power I _feel_ in you. How to _inhale_ power, how to feel with no senses.” I’ve never seen her like this, so hopeful and excited.   
  
“Take me back to my cell,” I hiss, holding my wrists out. She glances down at my hands, before she grimaces, her face a cast of irritation. “ _Solo_ ,” she says slowly, looking at me like I’m a child. “We could figure out what this is,” she breathes, placing her hands on mine. A shudder roars through my entire body when she touches me, and she gasps, both of us staring down at our touching skin.  
  
“Let me teach you,” she whispers, voice soft. A deep dark part of me almost wants to say yes. I can’t deny that she’s powerful, possibly one of the most powerful beings to ever breathe. She fights elegantly, like she breathes the Force. Like she was made for this and only this. I can’t help but respect that.  
  
I pull my hands away from hers. She looks up at me, eyes painted in frustration. She may be power incarnate, a goddess made of roaring stars. But she killed San Tekka. She’s a warlord, set on destroying everything that my family stands for. That my blood stands for.  
  
“I’d rather die,” I hiss, lips curling.  
  
Her golden face hardens, darkness clouding over as her fingers twitch. The Force surrounds me, seizing my muscles up. For Forces sake. You’d think she’d get tired of doing this. I struggle under her hold as she summons the axe to her outstretched hand. “Oh, trust me Solo,” she hisses, voice like venom. “You will.”  
  
Everything fades to a sharp darkness when she uses the metal hilt to whack me over the head. The last thing I see is the grin falling from her lips, replaced with a somber frown.  
  
Kira Ren  
  
I summon my helmet towards me as I stalk towards the door. Placing it over my head, I throw open the doors, telling the trooper stationed outside to find more soldiers to help carry the prisoner to the medibay.  
  
I watch as he scuttles off, half running half marching down the corridor. Sighing, I let the door slide behind me as I turn back towards Solo. Should’ve taken me up on my offer. My throat bobs as I stand above him, watching him through my mask. Stubborn fool.  
  
We could be so powerful together.  
  
He hadn’t fought half bad, and that was with his training from ten years ago. I can’t even imagine how formidable he’d be if I taught him. I can feel it in him. He just refuses to acknowledge it.  
  
I can’t believe I even offered. Of course he would never agree to work with me. He thinks I’m some sort of creature. Some sort of monster.

I bite the inside of my cheek as I bend down beside him. “You’re a lot more tolerable after I’ve knocked you out,” I muse as I glance down at him. He looks so peaceful. With his dark hair in his face and his lips slightly open. I never realised how nice his lips were before.

Scowling, I fold my arms. He’s such a stupid prat. Anyone with half a brain would have taken me up on my offer. Now he’s going to burn.

I quickly stand up when the door slides open and five troopers file in. “Take him to the medibay,” I order, pointing down at the unconscious Solo. 

“Yes Commander,” one of them says as the rest of them bend down, sharing Solo’s enormous size between them. 

“I want someone on watch at all times,” I tell them as they pass me. “Keep your blaster aimed at his head,” I add before they leave. 

Once they shut the door behind them, my fingers instinctively reach for the saber at my hand. Lighting it up, I slice through the air, my weapon like a second arm.

Why do men always try and boast about how many people they’ve screwed? The saber sings as I swing it from hand to hand. And why did he think I’d give a shit about that? And why do I?

The anger rises in my stomach as Ben Solo flies through my mind. Letting out a cry of frustration, I slam my saber into the floor, the wooden boards hissing as they burn. 

I could have helped him. Could have made him unstoppable. A legend. A god. Instead he’ll burn up to nothing.


	14. Only Getting Hotter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben uses the Force. Kira has another strop. Enter Han, Chewie and Finn.

Ben

I wake up strapped down to a medical bed, a DD-13 medical droid hovering above me. Nose scrunching up, I glance around the room, groaning out in pain. My eyes lock onto two troopers at either side of the door, blasters hanging at their sides. They stop talking to each other and turn to me when they notice I’m awake, moving their guns into their hands.

“Don’t move,” the droid’s automatic voice says. “You have injuries to the head and throat.” Wincing, I duck away as one of the droid’s arms move towards my face. It takes me a moment to realise why my throat feels burnt. Kira Ren knocked me out over the head, but she didn’t even touch my throat.

 _Takodana_.

She must’ve tried to force heal me, but since the dark side’s healing is only temporary the pain must’ve come back. That bastard _forgot_ to put me in a medbay after she brought me here. Or maybe she just doesn’t care. If she hadn’t fucking attacked me, I could’ve died from her fucking strangling me. Too concerned by Kira Ren being such an asshole, I let the droid whirr around me, hissing when it sticks a needle in my arm. One of the troopers snorts, and I can’t do anything but clench my jaw.

I can’t keep waiting around for something to happen. I need to get out of here. I don't even know where I am anymore. I can’t keep idly sitting in Kira Ren’s palms, waiting for her to snap my bones. And there’s not going to be another Finn. So I’m only left with one option.

Pushing down my dislike for Luke, the way of the Jedi, my old training that left me feeling empty rather than fulfilled and literally everything to do with the Force, I close my eyes. My fingers slowly unfurl, the metal under me cold against my skin.

The droid’s whirring fades as I listen to my own heartbeat, thudding sharply against my chest. I breathe in slowly, reaching out tentatively. It’s callous and hard, but I can still feel it. It hums around me, around the room, weaving its way through everything. Resisting the urge to pull away, hating the way the Force feels against my bones, I keep pushing forward, submerging myself.

Holding my breath, I wait until the droid moves down to check on my legs, the metal bonds snapping open so it can prod me better. I move when it bends down, first with the Force then with my feet. I reach out for it, feeling its wires with the Force. I stun it, only managing to keep it frazzled for about five seconds. But it gives me enough time to bring my foot up, slamming it into the droid and kicking it to the floor.

The troopers bark out, blasters aimed as they rush towards me. Jaw trembling, I feel my grip on the Force loosening as I reach out for them. I was never adept at mind tricks, even at the peak of my training, and I certainly can barely do it now, chained up and with a weak hold on the Force.

Hands still locked up, I try and point up at one of them, the Force lacing my voice when I speak. “Knock him out.” My voice is croaky and there’s a moment of hesitation when the troopers look at each other. Oh, I am so fucked.

I’m about to let go completely when one of the troopers suddenly speaks, metallic voice complacent. “I’ll knock him out.” I let out a surprised yelp of amusement and relief as the other trooper starts to protest. But before he can convince him otherwise, he brings his blaster up, smashing the butt of it into the other one. He falls to the floor and I let out a surprised laugh, head falling back.

“Untie me,” I command, eyes wide when he actually does it. “Holy shit,” I laugh shakily as I sit up, Head throbbing and everything slightly fuzzy, I grab onto the trooper’s shoulder to steady myself.

“Alright buddy,” I sigh, a relieved grin on my face. “You’re going to stay here and if anyone asks how it’s going, you’re going to tell them everything is affirmative.”

“I am going to stay here and if anyone asks how it’s going, I’m going to tell them everything is affirmative,” he repeats as I swing my legs over the bed. I clap his back as I start to walk on shaky legs. I go to leave when I trip up over the other trooper, landing in a heap on the floor. Eyes falling on the white armour, a smirk dances up onto my lips.

Holding my breath under the heavy helmet, I tighten my hold on the blaster. I keep my head forward as I pass a group of troopers, letting loose a sign when they walk past, completely ignoring me. "Alright," I murmur as I jog down the empty corridors, desperately searching for a hangar. They have fucking hundreds of ships on this place, so why can't I find any?

Coming to an open area, I frown as I take in the four new corridors. Shaking my head, I go to just try the first one to my right, when I feel something. It's familiar. Like a calming song that's calling out to me. And it's coming from the third corridor. Tongue running across my teeth, I check behind me before I jog down the corridor, feet hitting off the metal floor. When I walk into someone, I instantly bring the blaster up, ready to shoot, when I see who it is.

Finn, Chewie and my dad are all aiming blasters at my head, Han's finger twitching on the trigger. "Wait," I blurt, letting my own blaster fall from my hands before I pull my helmet off. 

"Ben!" Finn laughs, slinging his blaster over his shoulder before he wraps his arms around me. "Holy fuck, I can't believe we found you!" I glance at Han as I pat Finn's back, but he isn't even facing us. "What are you doing here?" I ask when Finn pulls back, still gripping onto my arms. "You stayed with the Resistance?" I ask, surprised. So he didn't get on the pirates' ship.

"I guess I did," he laughs, shrugging. "We came back for you," Finn grins before Chewie pipes up behind him. "What?" Finn asks, eyebrows arched. "What did he say?"

"That you also came to take out their base," I pause, eyes wide. "Wait, are we on _Starkiller Base_ right now?" Glancing around, dread unfurls in my gut. Oh, we are _so_ fucked.

"It's alright," Finn says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "We have a plan."

" _Who_ has a plan?" I ask, brows furrowing. Finn opens his mouth to reply, cocky grin on his face, when Han interrupts. 

"You can fill him in on the way out," he hisses, eyes narrowed. Then he starts walking away, blaster poised and ready. Me and Finn follow suit, Chewie covering the back. 

"You're sure you're okay?" Finn asks me as we run and I try and unpiece my armour at the same time. "How'd you even get away from Kira Ren?"

"Long story," I shrug after I get the last piece of armour off, abandoning it behind us. I don't really feel like getting into Kira's offer and using the Force again while we're trying to escape Starkiller Base.

It's only then that I realise what that warm feeling was; my eyes fall on the sabre at Finn's hip. "That's..." I trail off when Finn traces his fingers along the metal, before holding it out to me. "You're Force-sensitive?" I ask, part shocked and part proud. Finn tries to shrug casually, but an excited grin splits across his face.

"Woah," I laugh, elbowing him playfully as we come to a turbo lift. The four of us freeze when it slides open to reveal half a dozen troopers. The one in front starts to shout commands as I aim the blaster up. I pull the trigger first. "Time to put that piece of rust," I grin at Finn. And when he lights it, wielding it slightly awkwardly but still with a hard determination, I click my tongue at the troopers. _Here we go._

Kira Ren

"What the hell is happening?" I shout through my mask as I storm into the control room. Hux ignores me, staring out the wall to ceiling windows with a look of dread painted across his face. Coming up beside him, I swear under my breath. 

Three squadrons of starfighters fly past us, aiming their blasters straight at the Starkiller. "Shields up," Hux orders, suddenly turning around the to control room, voice strained. Jaw clenching, I watch the red blasts cause smoke to drift up from the weapon. Then a feeling of dread unfurls in my gut. "Someone check on the prisoner," I say, still watching the Resistance outside. No one answer to me. The sounds of panicked chatter silences when I spin on my heels, screaming out, "Someone go check on Solo. _Now_."

The troopers stationed at the entrances run off, armour clattering against each other. Storming down the metal steps, I slam my fist down on the nearest person. The woman looks up from her control screen, eyes latching on to me. "Radio the troopers stationed in medbay 328," I order, slight panic starting to course through my veins.

"I don't have the ability-" she starts, gesturing to her screen. 

" _Do it_ ," I hiss before I turn from her, eyes fluttering shut under the helmet. Maybe I can try and see him. Try and control the force bond for once. Reaching out with that darkness, I try and grasp onto him, but I can't clutch onto that fluttering lightness at the back of my mind. Growling, I turn back to the woman, who's desperately tapping on the screen. I watch, tapping my foot as she touches her earpiece, nodding before she clicks something, looking up at me expectantly. "Are you still with the prisoner, soldier?" she asks tentatively, shoulders tense as I come up behind her.

"Everything is affirmative," the tinny voice answers and I let myself breathe out, holding onto the desk. The woman nods, about to end the call when shouts come from the other line, and there's a scuffle as someone else answers. "The prisoner's gone, he used his Force tricks on the men posted here. We've put everyone on high alert. Notify the commander."

"I will," the woman says shakily before ending the call. She slowly turns to look up at me, body completely still as the rest of the people around us desperately try and get the shields back up. Red hot anger boils up in me as I storm out of the room. Passing Hux, he grabs onto my arm before I can leave. "What do you think you're doing?" he hisses under his breath. I try and tug out of his grasp but he just digs his nails in deeper. 

"I'm going to find Solo," I growl. "He's a vital hostage. We need the information he has."

"Your priorities are seriously _fucked_ ," Hux snipes, lips sneering. He still doesn't let go off my arm. "You're staying here, we need you to actually command for once, _Commander_."

"Make me stay," I spit, wrenching my arm away from him. "I dare you." He surprisingly doesn't object, just sighs and looks at me like I'm a pathetic waste of time before he turns around to bark out to close the goddamn shields. I hold it together until the turbolift's doors slide shut. Then I let it out. Screaming in rage, knees shaking in frustration, my saber finds its way into my hands. Then into the wall as I drop down deeper into the base.

Ben Solo's run out of chances.

Ben

"You're good with a blaster," Han tells me as we make our way through the base, clapping my shoulder. My ears tinge pink at the praise before I shrug it off. 

"Must've had a good teacher or something." He smiles softly at me, eyes crinkling before he sighs.

"Ben, look. I know I haven't always-" But Finn interrupts him by shouting us over to where he's standing. Han swears under his breath as we watch at least seventy TIE fighters shoot towards the Resistance pilots. Squinting, I try and find Poe's ship in the sky, but there are too many explosions, shots and chaos to make anything out properly. "We need to make an opening," Finn murmurs, eyes trained on the Resistance fighters above us. I know he's looking for Poe too.

"I have an idea," Han replies, revealing a thermal detonator in his palm. Meeting his eyes, I grin before I take the detonator from him. Running it over my fingers, I push my tongue into my cheek. "The thermal oscillator," I murmur before I look up, gesturing for the others to follow me. "We'll set them up across the bunker. Chewie and Finn, you take the top floor. We'll get the bottom," I add, shooting my dad a glance. He nods eagerly, twirling his blaster in his hands.

This is what Han Solo was made for. Blowing shit up.

I clap Finn on the shoulder before he makes to follow Chewie up the stairs. "Be careful, buddy," he says, worried smile on his face. "I just got you back, alright? You're not getting away again." 

"Don't worry," I nod. "I'm not going anywhere." He shoots me another grin before he follows Chewie, taking the steps two at a time. Turning towards Han, I nod slowly at him. "Let's go."

We split up, Han taking the left side and me on the right. I move nimbly, quickly slamming the detonators on the wall as I steadily make through the oscillator. When I'm about half way through setting up one of my last, I feel her. Her darkness slams against me like a cement wall and I stumble, clutching my head. Wincing, I glance around but I can't see her. Crouching down behind the rows of hardware, I creep towards the open space in the middle of the hangar. 

Then I see her. She's storming through the hangar, twenty troopers behind her, blasters ready. I swear colourfully under my breath as I duck down, back against the wall. She feels me too, and I can hear her in my head. "You're not getting away again, Solo." She hisses through the fuzz in my mind. "I'll put a bullet through your head before you get away." Gripping my temples, I wince, her darkness suffocating.

I glance up when I hear someone hissing towards me. Han's on the other side of the hangar, widening his eyes at me. Gesturing towards the detonators, he shoots me that hard look that he used to give me when I refused to study. I watch as he continues to set up the detonator before he disappears into the shadows without another look back.

Taking a shaky breath in, I slowly straighten up and finish the detonator, ignoring Kira's vocal threats as well as the ones she's hissing in my head. Solos finish what they start.


	15. Come and Get It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han saves Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a while lads :) hope you're all safe and doing as best as you can rn

Kira Ren

I can smell him. Nostrils flaring under my helmet, I storm through the oscillator, fingers clutching my saber.

Why does he keep running? I know he knows I could teach him everything he could ever hope to know. So why is he resisting me? _Why are you hiding?_ I hiss through the bond. He doesn't respond, but I can feel him. I can feel him holding his breath, moving quickly and quietly. I can feel the fear, echoed in the pounding of his heart. _At least fight me with some pride_ , I growl, frustrations searing through my veins. I can't believe we're here again. An endless game of cat and mouse, spanning across the galaxy.

I feel that dancing brightness at the back of my mind, the stain of Ben Solo. As I prowl, I silently reach out, grinning beneath my helmet when I catch onto him. I hear him hiss in pain through the bond, but not out loud. I keep my hold on him, tightening slowly. I can feel him squirming in my mind. I squeeze harder, letting go when I hear a soft gasp of pain from the other side of the oscillator. Spinning on my heels, I sprint towards him.

Brandishing my saber, I start hunting. Every single part of me twitches as I search for him, constantly reaching out through my mind. I still when the sound of footprints comes from my right, turning just in time to see him running towards a metal ladder attached to the wall. Left hand reaching out, I use the Force to grab onto the ladder, viciously ripping it from the wall before Solo can reach it. It tumbles down into that abyss to my side, clanging eternally as it falls. I watch as Solo's fingers flay out, reaching for his blaster as he slowly turns towards me.

"Why do you keep running?" I ask, tilting my head. I don't walk towards him, and he doesn't move towards me, but I see his eyes flick towards the ladder at my right, then to the gaping ravine to my left. 

"Why do you keep chasing?" he shrugs, fingers tapping his trigger. 

"Because I see what you could be," I growl, taking a step towards him. His breathing hitches. "Don't you understand, Solo? I am the _only one_ who sees what you could be. Your parents didn't. Your mentor didn't. Your friends don't. You don't. But I _do_. You could be great." Words tumble from my mouth, and unable to stop them, I keep moving towards him. Each step terrifying but hopeful at the same time.

"I don't want to be great," he breathes. But I hear the doubt in his words. I can _feel_ his doubt.

"I know," I start, voice gentle, saber crackling in my hand. "You threw everything you had away. You had a position where you could make a difference and you abandoned it. But this is your second chance, Solo," I grin, letting the sabre extinguish. "You could be unstoppable. A legend. They'll sing songs about you for centuries to come."

He laughs, but there's no amusement in it. "And who's going to show me how?" he asks, biting his bottom lip. " _You_? A girls who's too afraid to look in the mirror she has to wear a mask? A girl who's obsessed with power. You know you'll never be as great as my uncle, even as my grandfather. What are you proving?" he asks, laughing cynically. "Why are you doing this?"

I falter slightly, blinking under the helmet. Fingers reaching up to the helm, I debate taking it off. But then I look up and see Solo, and emotion overtakes me. My fingers drop from the helmet to point at him. "You're not listening to me!" I yell, lower lip trembling in anger and frustration. 

"I'm not going to listen to a monster," he says, dark waves dancing as he shakes his head. "I'm not going to listen to you spout your pathetic, fucked up, twisted little..." His words trail off as my heart slips. Fucking fool. How dare he turn this on me? I am trying to fucking help him. Why can't he see that? I slowly realise that he'll never be able to see that. I watch as he continues to yell at me, waving his hands erratically as troopers start to gather around, aiming their blasters at his head. I wave them down. I know what I need to do now. 

He's too strong to have as my opponent. He's not fully trained yet, but if he finds his uncle who knows? I can't take that chance. If he won't join me, I'll have to end him. I frown as my heart rattles against my chest. Throat tight, I clutch my saber, moving towards him quickly. Saber humming a sober tune as I bring it up, ready to kill him. 

Time seems to slow as Solo's eyes widen as I run towards him. With each step, I see what could've been, the wasted talent. But I can't let him stand in my way. 

I notice Han Solo before his son does. He sprints towards us from the left, arms outstretched. There's a roaring cry from above as the older Solo pushes his son to the side, the saber slashing into his own body instead. Solo stumbles, mouth gaping as his father turns to me. The same eyes that glared at me through the bond now look up at me with an old, eternal understanding. I let out a gasp as I extinguish the saber, the older man looking at me with gaping lips. I stumble backwards as his knees buckle and he falls straight into the bowels of Starkiller Base. 

Ben cries out in anger when I turn around, meeting his eyes. Blaster up, he aims it directly at me. I'm too stunned to do anything. Head feeling like lead, I stand and try not to crumble as the troopers fight Solo off, his two friends shooting at the troopers from the above floors. I watch as the Wookie and the traitor meet Solo at the top of the ladder, helping him up. The traitor speaks to Solo, and I'm so focused on him, I don't even notice as the Wookie slowly aims his bowcaster at me. "Commander!" one of the troopers shouts, gesturing for me to move out of the way.

Brows furrowed, I look up in time to see him pull the trigger. A firework of pain spreads out across my side and I groan out as I grip it, teeth baring. "Leave them!" I scream at the troopers. "Go to the field. Do what you can to take down the Resistance ships."

"But Commander-"

"Go!" I scream as I sprint after Solo, feet thudding against the metal. Wincing, I Force Jump up to the top landing, jaw clenching as I watch Solo and the traitor sprint into the forest, the Wookie nowhere to be seen. _Cowards_. Hissing, I reach my hand out and I Jump again, this time a couple of feet ahead of them. 

"The Falcon's up here, Ben," the traitor pants as they run. Solo doesn't respond. They stop in their tracks when they hear my saber hissing, sharing a look between them before I step out into their view. "We're not finished yet," I say through the helmet. The traitor glares at me, anger clouding his face as he rolls his shoulders back. Solo just stares at me, water lining his eyes. 

"You're a bastard," Solo hisses, his chin jutting out.

"It's just us now," I tell him, fingers dancing as I use the Force to unlock my helmet. Lifting it off my head, I let it fall to the snow covered ground. "Your father can't save you. He was never going to," I say as he breathes out shakily. "Stop waiting for people to save you!" I scream before I cringe, the wound in my side sending hot spikes of pain throughout my body. But I know how to work with pain. I am made of pain. I control my pain.

Grunting, I hit my side with a clenched fist, letting the pain and anger consume me. Blood drops to the ground, contrasting against the pure white snow. Solo narrows his eyes at me, anger painting his features. His temples clench and he growls, blaster coming up as his fingers go to pull the trigger. But I'm faster.

Arm snapping out towards him, the Force grabs him. Frustration ripples across his face before I throw him with all the strength I can muster. He lets out a yelp before he smashes against a tree, blaster tumbling from his hand before he hits the ground with a sickening thud. "Ben!" the traitor shouts out, stumbling across the snow towards his unconscious friend. He cups Solo's face, jaw trembling with worry. "Ben," he breathes, lightly shaking him. A deep, dark emotion unfurls in my gut as I watch him hold Solo. I let that emotion out as I twirl my sabre in my fingers, passing it from hand to hand.

"Traitor!" I scream, voice trembling. I watch as he slowly stands up, patting Ben one last time before he faces me. Then I notice the saber in his hand. How the hell has he got that? My eyes go wide as I laugh at him, pointing my own saber at him. "That," I start, cocking my head. "Does not belong to you." He doesn't say anything, just lights the saber, fingers tightening around the hilt. "Give it to me," I hiss.

His throat bobs slightly, but his eyes harden with determination. "Come and get it," he spits.

I erupt in anger. We both move towards each other, sabers meeting in a clash of light. He manages to parry my hits, but his hold is awkward and uncertain. He may be physically stronger, but he's never even held a saber before, and its evident as we fight. After a couple of seconds, I push him down to the ground under my weight, hitting my wound again as the traitor pants on the ground. _Control_.

I know he's up before he even swings at me again. Spinning, I block his attack, hair falling from my bun. I step around him, casually bringing my saber up. Running my tongue over my teeth, I push him back, letting him swing clumsily. I could've killed him by now, but the playing is fun. Weakening him down, forcing him to use his very last breath. I push him back against a tree, my saber pushing down on his. 

Bending my wrist slightly, I manage to force a part of my saber against his skin, the burning light hissing through his clothes before it starts to char his skin. He screams out in pain, crumbling against the tree as tears of pain fall down his face, clinging to his jaw. Laughing, I bring my saber back, slicing through the tree. He moves out of the way just in time, scrambling away before the tree knocks him out. Spinning, I cut down every tree in my path, growling out in rage. 

As I slice through the air towards him, the traitor ducks, his saber coming up. I don't parry it in time and it manages to slice into my shoulder. Grunting, I stumble back, more in surprise than pain, and poke at the wound. Lip curling, I spin back round with a cry, snow flying as my boots stride through it. I explode and the traitor isn't able to keep up. I bring strike on strike down on him as he struggles to even hold the weapon. Hissing, I bring my saber up under his, forcing it to fly out of his hands.

Bringing my other hand up, I punch him in the stomach as hard as I can, needing to feel his pain with my own skin. He stumbles and I bring my saber up and back down across his back. He falls to the ground face-first, his jacket and skin hissing from the burns. Extinguishing my saber, I reach out towards the discarded one, using the Force to pull it towards me. Anakin Skywalker's saber. Luke Skywalker's saber. Now mine.

But when it doesn't come, I furrow my brows. Pulling harder, I watch as it wriggles in the snow. Snarling in frustration, I pull with everything I have, shoulders relaxing when it finally tugs free. But instead of flying into my hand, it zooms straight past me. Looking over my shoulder, my throat bobs as I take in Ben Solo, crouched down in his fighting stance, both hands confidently gripping his family's saber. 

He rolls back his shoulders, lips in a firm line as I light my own saber again, pointing it at his heart. "Fuck you," he spits. Then he launches himself at me.


	16. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira and Ben fight as the world around them burns.

Ben

_"He clearly hates it Leia. I don't understand why you keep forcing him to do this." I listen to my parents yell in hushed whispers, using their voices like daggers against each other. Back against the door to my old room on my father's ship, I slide down onto the ground, pulling my knees to my chest._

_"Luke knows what he's doing," Mum says back, voice stiff. I hate when she speaks like this to me or Dad. Like she's General Organa and not just our family. "Ben needs a teacher, Han. He's strong with the Force." Their voices float in through the window as they stand outside, Mum with folded arms and Dad with furrowed brows. I just need to keep quiet._

_"_ You're _strong with the Force," Dad quips and I can see in my head the face he's pulling right now. "No one ever forced you to go to a Jedi academy. You turned out alright." Another backhanded compliment. That's basically their new language. Back handed compliments and speaking about 'Ben'. Sometimes I wish I had normal parents. Like farmers or something. Not an ex-politician turned war general and an infamous smuggler. I wish I had the type of mum who makes homemade cakes for your birthdays, or the type of dad who you could talk to about the girl you kissed after training. I wish I had a mum and dad who didn't drive each other away with their equally frustrating pride and stubbornness. I wish I had parents who loved each other enough to stay together._

 _"Maybe if I'd known at fifteen, I would've done something about it." Burying my head in my hands, I let myself feel that calming darkness, soothing over the cracked edges in my mind. I only have to reach out, and it's there. Faint and hazy, but still there. It's started to become sharper, sometime more harsh than ataractic. But at least it's always there. "Are you even listening to yourself? He's fifteen, for Force's sake, Leia. He's just a_ kid _."_

_I can't even stomach the idea of going back to the academy. I can't stand anyone there. I don't like making friends. I don't need to make friends. I have Poe, who I guess is a friend. But Poe isn't at the academy with me. No, he gets to go out and fly ships across the galaxy. I get to go to my uncle's school and hit rocks blindfolded. It's not even just the loneliness I can't stand. I don't even want to learn how to use the Force. The rest of the students are all excited and eager, and everyone expects me to enjoy training because I'm a Skywalker. They also expect me to be good at it. Every time I mess up, it's just another reminder that I'm a failure to my family's name. To our legacy._

_Looking up, I scowl at the open window. At my parents outside. Frustration seethes through me as all my muscles tense up. I gasp when the window slams shut. All the annoyance instantly flushes out of me as I stare at the plastic window in horror. Hands clutching my hair, I don't dare move. If they find me, they'll make me get off the Falcon. They'll make me go back._

_Holding my breath, I wait for one of them to pound on the door and call me out. But nothing happens. Sighing with relief, I slowly unfurl and scramble onto my feet. They must've not heard me. Creeping over to one of the bunkbeds, I drop down onto the mattress, clutching the duvet in my hands. I'll just stay here. I'll come out whenever dad lands. He won't make me go back to the academy. Especially not if we're lightyears away. Smiling to myself, I roll onto my back, eyes fluttering shut._

_I instantly sit up when there's a soft knock on the door. I cry out when my head smashes against the metal bed above me, groaning even more when dad walks in, his face a cast of amusement. "You alright, kid?" he asks softly. The bed creaks as he sits down next to me. I don't say anything, just clutch my head as I grit my teeth, trying to ignore the throbbing pain. "So your plan was to stowaway on my ship?" he smirks, leaning against the wall, throwing a sideways glance at me._

_"I'm not going back," I mutter, hands falling from my head._

_"Ben-" he starts, sighing as he gears into parental mode. It only comes out around once a year (normally when mum comms him to tell him I got into another fight) but it's the most annoying thing ever. "You can't make me," I tell him, folding my arms._

_"I suppose I can't," he nods, titling his head up to the ceiling. "What do you want to do then?" I blink at him, eyes wide. "Do you want to come with me and Chewie? If you prove that you can pull your weight, I won't charge you for accommodation," he says, hands on his chest. I frown, unable to tell if he's joking. "Do you want to stay with your mum here? I'm sure she could get you a tutor." Glancing away, I scratch the back of my neck._

_"Look, Ben," he sighs sympathetically, leaning forward and placing a hand on my shoulder. "I know it's probably crappy right now. But it's only for a couple more years. Don't you want to be able to do all those cool jumps your uncle can do? I always wanted to be able to do shit like that," he smiles as his eyes go bright._

_"I can_ already _Force jump," I huff, head in my hands._

_"Alright kid," he starts, sighing with frustration. "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to train with your uncle for another three years, just until you're eighteen, and then you can do whatever the hell you want. You can see whatever you want, go wherever you want. Just please, do this one thing for your mum." When I don't say anything, he leans in closer to me, nudging my arm. "It's just a couple of years buddy."_

_Conceding, I nod slowly. Glancing up at him and seeing the proud look on his face, I can't help the small smile that spreads over my lips. "There we go," dad grins, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Now, why don't we talk about that speeder bike you were asking about?" Rolling my eyes, I shrug his arm off of me._

_"I already agreed to go back," I sigh. "You don't need to bribe me."_

_"I'm not bribing you," he says, holding his hands up in innocence. "I'm just saying that it's your birthday in a couple of weeks." Narrowing my eyes, I watch him suspiciously. "I'm not saying you have to get one," he grins as he stands up, hitting his hands against his thighs. "If you'd rather a kiddie cruiser then I'm sure that we can arrange-"_

_"A Joben T-85 speeder," I interrupt him. I didn't even think he'd remember me mentioning the speeder to him. That had to have been months ago. Must've been the last time he visited. "Any specific colour?" he asks as I stand up off of the bed, following after him, out of the room. "Orange is pretty cool, right?"_

_"Mum said I'm not old enough for a speeder yet," I say cautiously, trying out the waters. "She said I have to be at least seventeen."_

_"Well," he starts, eyebrow arched. "Your mother isn't the one buying it for you." Ruffling my hair with a grin, he pauses and I wince when he lightly touches the fresh lump on my head. "Now, let's get some ice on that bump."_

I resist the urge to prod the bump on my head now. Instead, my fingers tighten around the saber. Kira's dark eyes look me up and down, before they settle on my gaze. She doesn't look angry, or itching to fight me. She just looks withered. Like a wildfire missing its petals.

I watch as her saber lights, the red light flickering. She slowly points it at my chest, aimed at my heart. Tilting her head slowly, I see the flicker in her eyes. I dare you, her eyes seem to say.

Mouth gaping as his knees buckle. Two golden die. Empty eyes. Outstretched hand as he falls. Sitting on his lap as he lets me control the Falcon.

He never got me that speeder bike. He might have been a shitty dad. But he was my dad. And I haven't told him I love him in five fucking years. I can handle Kira taking my mind from me. I can handle her being a bitch who won't leave my head alone. I can handle her attempting to murder me at every chance she gets. But she took my fucking dad from me. 

"Fuck you," I breathe, feet pushing off of the ground. Clicking her tongue, Kira leaps up to meet me in the air, sabers locking. She bares her teeth, pushing me backwards. Swearing under my breath, I slash at her, the saber impossibly heavy in my hand. Shit, I forgot how cumbersome these things are. Kira parries my attacks elegantly and frustratingly easily. Swinging as she pushes me backwards, I fight brashly. 

Going for her side, she swerves and my saber slices into a tree instead, bringing it down behind me. It hits the ground with a heavy beat, spraying snow everywhere. It lands mostly on Kira, littering her eyelashes. As she moves quickly, her hair continues to tumble down out of her braid, hair flying across her face. We keep moving through the forest, her teeth bared and my brows furrowed.

It's a never-ending dance where I don't know half of the steps. It's desperately trying to stay rooted as a hurricane blasts through you, trying to rip you up into it. She starts to move faster, starting to attack rather than just defend. She pushes me back and we fight in a crevice, the stones at least protecting us from the blasting snow. The earth crumbles around us, bellowing as the Resistance pilots try and blow it up. 

I stumble as she brings her saber down over her head, ankle buckling. Cocking her head, she spins and ducks when I sweep the saber through the air. Taking advantage of the split second she has her back turned, I sprint. Panting desperately, I jump up the rocks, leaping with the Force over the crevice. Tumbling into the snow, I leap back up, spitting out dirt and snow as I run.

She doesn't stop chasing, her red light hissing right behind me. I try and distract her, buy myself some time as I bring trees around us down. As we continue this dance, red and blue meeting in a crackling rage, the trees don't stop falling. They tumble down around us as the ground cracks and crumbles. Roots shoot up, threatening to pull us both down into the bowels of the planet in the cracks that begin to form.

Fire spits behind us as the planet splits, eating up the earth. I pause, quickly glancing behind me. I need to get me and Finn out of here. But Kira doesn't stop. She lets out a scream as she continues to slash her saber at me, beautiful face contorted with rage. I bring my saber down to meet hers, but she pushes up quickly, a beautiful and cruel grin painting her red lips. 

She locks me down with her weapon, pushing me back towards the gaping hole in the ground. When we reach the edge, and I almost slip, she quickly spins, using the strength in her legs to push up with all her strength. The saber flies out of my fingers and I stagger, arms flailing as I regain my balance. Kira watches me carefully, eyes narrowed before she takes a step back. Then she tosses her sabre at me. 

Eyes shut, I brace for the impact. But it never comes. Gingerly opening my eyes, my lips part in surprise as I take in her sabre in front of me. The end is buried into the snow, the hilt ready for me to take. "Let's dance," she whispers, hands out and welcoming. Throat bobbing, I grab onto her weapon before she can reconsider. Her saber isn't as heavy as Luke's. But it also doesn't feel as stable. It almost moves completely on its own, the metal hissing in my fingers. It jolts and shudders as I go to attack. 

"You're strong," she says, her voice like a song I've been hearing in my mind for years. "But not strong enough." Her fingers move slightly and I hiss when she unflinchingly rips two trees out of the ground, aiming them towards me. I duck, hair sticking to my forehead with sweat. This is why she gave me her saber. She doesn't need it. 

Rolling, I get back to my feet as I run after her. She dodges every attack for a couple of minutes, the planet we're standing on still crumbling around us. But none of that seems to even matter anymore. Just me and her. 

She continues to taunt me as I attack again and again. Her hair's completely fallen out of her bun now, whipping around her neck as we fight. She's lost her cape at some point in our fight, now just running in her loose tunic and cotton leggings. Death incarnate. That's what she is. The burning, angry and dangerous stars boiled down into one unrelenting person.

I bring the saber down and it hums a hasty song and to both of our surprise, it hits the target. She hisses out in pain, gripping her shoulder before she stumbles and trips, landing in a heap on the snow. Her hands flash out, eyes wide and chest rising quickly. But I aim the saber at her throat, shaking my head slowly. "Don't fucking try it," I hiss. Looking up at me from her snow dusted lashes, she lets her hands fall.

"Do it then," she hisses, jutting her chin out defiantly. "Kill me." A part of me wants to listen to her. It would be so easy. So quick.

 _Come on kid_ , a voice in my head sounds. Clear and crisp, pulling me from the deep dark. Back into the light. _You're better than this._

I blink down at Kira as she grips her shoulder. Her clothes are stained in her blood. She's weak. I don't have anything left to prove. Fingers tapping on the saber, she meets my eyes. "Do it!" she screams, jaw clenched. My body stills when someone groans from somewhere far behind her. Finn.

I slowly shake my head, letting her saber fall from my hands. "What are you doing?" she asks softly, voice hoarse. 

"Going home," I tell her, shaking my head lightly. "Don't chase me this time," I breathe before I walk away, legs heavy in the snow. I don't look back, but I can feel her in my head, louder than ever. I almost drown in her. I try and push her from my mind, stumbling through the forest. "Finn?" I yell as the ground under me splits. Jumping over the gaping holes and avoiding the sinking trees, I let out a sigh when I see him lying in the snow.

"Finn," I mutter as I fall onto my knees, gripping his jacket as I try and shake him awake. "Finn. Come on buddy," I desperately try. "Come on Finn. We've survived better odds than this." But he doesn't open his eyes. And the planet around us continues to implode. "Fuck," I say, voice shaky as I let my head drop onto his chest. But as everything around us continues to burn, a bright light shines down. 

Looking up, tears of relief well in my eyes as I see the Falcon. Chewie's in the cockpit, and my eyes instinctively go to the seat beside him. The missing pilot makes my heart slip and I grip onto Finn tighter. Chewie gestures for us to hurry up and I nod quickly, ignoring my muscles' protests as I stand up. Pulling Finn up with me, I drag him towards the Falcon, laughing almost hysterically when it opens, golden light basking down on us.

Chewie helps me get him and lug him down onto a bunk before he pushes me down into the pilot's seat. Let's get out of here, he roars before he starts the engine up. Throat bobbing stiffly, I reach forward, body almost working on auto-pilot. As we shoot into the sky, the Resistance ships ahead of us, I look back down at Starkiller, watching the planet implode in a fiery rage. 

Once we're in orbit, I let my head fall against the control panel, unable to stop the painful tears that cling to my jaw. Chewie pats my shoulder comfortingly before he leaves without saying anything. "Thank you," I say quickly before he leaves, unable to get anymore words out. He just nods, a sad smile on his face before the door shuts behind him. 

Reaching up, I pull the golden dice down from where they hang, running the aurodium over my fingers. Head falling against the window, I shut my eyes tightly, closing my fingers over my dad's lucky charm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it was such a long one lads, hope you still enjoyed :)


	17. Kick up the Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wasn't sure you're going to wake up."

Ben

I watch from the ramp as Chewie lifts Finn onto a medical speeder, one of the men saying, "He has a heartbeat, quickly." I let myself breathe out when I hear that, falling onto my back. The dice are still in my hands, the cold metal smooth under my skin. 

"Ben, holy shit." I open my eyes at the sound of Poe's voice, unable to stop the soft smile that creeps up on my face at the sight of him. "I thought for sure you'd be dead by now." I try and laugh as I shake my head, clapping his shoulder.

"You're not getting rid of me that quickly," I reply, surprised by how calm I sound. Poe laughs, the elation he's feeling evident in his face. Poe lives for this shit. That feeling of coming back after a mission, after barely winning. I don't know what he'd do if he couldn't find himself some danger to dive head first into.

"Where's Finn?" he asks, craning his neck to look into the Falcon as if he's expecting to see Finn stride out. "Is he with your dad or something?" he asks, turning back to me with bright eyes.

"Finn's fine," I choke out, throat too dry to speak. "He got injured pretty bad, but he's alive."

"But your dad?" I don't answer, unable to force words out. "Fuck," Poe swears, ears reddening as he moves closer to me. "Ben, I'm so-"

"I don't want to talk about it," I shake my head, running a hand over my eyes. I can feel the maddening stuffiness behind them, the tears that threaten to fall. "I'm alright," I add when I look at Poe and see pity painted across his face. "You should go see Finn," I say. "They took him somewhere, I don't know..." I trail off, running my fingers over the dice in my pocket. "Alright," Poe nods slowly, clapping my shoulder before he stands up. He hovers for a minute, watching me warily before he awkwardly nods again and jumps down from the ramp.

I watch as he goes, high-fiving people as he makes his way through the melee of people celebrating, disappearing into the sea of red boiler suits. Sighing, I push myself up, about to wander back into the Falcon when I feel a tug in my gut. Looking over my shoulder, I see my mother. She's hugging Chewie, face buried into his fur as he hugs his arms around her, rubbing soothing circles on her back. She pulls away, somber smile on her face as she clutches Chewie's arms. Then she turns and our eyes meet.

And I watch as my mum's face crumbles. 

Breathing shaky, I walk down the ramp towards her, biting the inside of my cheek as she runs to meet me. Wrapping my arms around her, she sobs into my chest, fingers gripping my tunic. "Ben," she whispers, pulling away to look at me. I try and smile but I'm pretty sure it comes out as a grimace. "You're so grown up now," she murmurs as she wipes the tears away from her eyes. I've always been amazed at the way my mother can switch her emotions off just like that, as if it's as easy as locking them in a box.

She places a hand on my face, stroking my cheek with her aged fingers. She looks so much older than she did five years ago. As if she's been aged too quickly. Her light brown hair might not be fully here anymore, but the braids are. She might not have her carefree grin anymore, but she still has those sun wrinkles around her lips. She's still here.

"Mum," I mutter, glancing down at the ground, unable to meet her eyes anymore. "I couldn't-he died trying to save me. I should've-"

"It's okay," she says softly, looking up at me with strong eyes. She doesn't elaborate. Doesn't ask any more questions. But we have time for that. We have time for questions and war and the whole galaxy. Now is just for me and her, and the deafening feeling like we've each lost a piece of our heart. Now we just need to try and believe that it's okay. 

"I'm going to stay," I tell her, biting my bottom lip anxiously. She smiles lightly, nodding her head. "I'm so sorry," I breathe, throat choked up. For everything, I don't have to add. "So am I," she says, bottom lip quivering slightly. She holds her hand out to me and I tentatively take it. I let her lead me into the crowd of people, my new family, the anxiety in my chest fading when my mother squeezes my hand. 

I frown when something bashes into my knee repeatedly. Looking down, I laugh when I see R9, dropping down to my knees. "Hey buddy," I laugh, surprised at how fucking happy I am to see the droid again. R9 beeps erratically as I plant my hands on his sides. "Have I missed you," I beam. Chuckling when R9 smashes into me again to exaggerate his annoyance at me for being captured again, I lightly push him back. "Yeah," I breathe, glancing up at the sea of people surrounding us. "I think we're going to stick around for a bit."

An hour later, I find Poe in the medical bay, sitting beside an unconscious Finn. Before I go in, I look through the window in the door smiling softly as I watch Poe clutch Finn's hand in his, head leaning against the mattress. R9 beeps something about how oblivious I am before I lightly kick him. Poe instantly lets go off the other man when I rap the door before I push it open, sticking my head in.

"They said he's going to be fine," Poe offers, hands now firmly placed on his knees. I nod as I pull over a spare chair, falling down onto it with a sigh. "Ben, you know if you ever want to talk-"

"I know," I nod, throwing him a grateful smile before I throw my legs over the side of my chair, leaning back into it. "But I want to talk about how you pulled off that insane attack mission." His face instantly lights up as he starts to describe how they'd planned it, eyes glancing at Finn every couple of moments. I listen to Poe talk for a couple hours, his voice like a soft lullaby. I must drift off at some point, because when there's a knock on the door, I sit up straight in the chair. 

Wincing, I roll my shoulders back, bones aching. Padding over to the door, I smile down at Poe knocked out, head against Finn's bed. "Hey," I yawn as I shoulder open the door to see Chewie. "How are you holding up?" I ask, leaning against the doorway.

The wookie shrugs, eyes trained on the floor. We stand there for a couple of minutes, our shared grief not needing words. "When's the evacuation..." I start to ask, but my words turn to silence when Chewie brings his hand up, holding out the saber. "Where did you-how did you find it?" I ask, not moving to take it. He explains that he found it after he got separated from me and Finn, on his way back to the Falcon. He couldn't just leave it there, he adds when I lean my head against the doorway. 

"Thanks Uncle Chewie," I finally say, taking it from his hands. It feels too cold. As soon as my fingers curl around the metal, Kira's eyes flash into my mind; beautiful and cruel. Chewie asks me what I'm going to do, pulling me out of my reverie. "Shove it in another box where it won't be found for a while again," I shrug, tossing the saber from hand to hand. 

I look up, meeting his eyes when Chewie says that's not what he meant. "I know," I breathe, scratching the back of my neck. "I know."

Kira Ren

I wake up spluttering and coughing, with an aching feeling coursing through out my whole body. Groaning, I push myself up into a sitting position, glaring down at the bandages wrapped around my bare skin. Someone's wrapped a cream cloth around my breasts for privacy, but the rest of my chest is pretty much covered with Bacta patches. My hair brushes against my back as I go to peel off the bandages, hating the way they feel against my skin.

"Wasn't sure you were going to wake up." 

Turning my head slowly, I scowl as I meet Hux's beady little eyes. He's sitting on the other side of the room, flicking aimlessly through a copy of the Galatic Gossip. My fingers still as he runs his eyes up and down me. "No, please, continue prying off the things healing you." I roll my eyes at him, but I stop trying to take off the patches. He goes back to his tabloid as I pull the blanket around my legs, shivering slightly. "What happened?" I finally ask.

"They beat us. Solo beat you," Hux crows, shutting the magazine and slamming it down on the chair beside him. I flinch. Crossing his legs, he leans forward. "Snoke ordered me to save you. So that you can finish your training." I shudder under the blanker, wincing as I try and cross my legs. "You don't need to thank me," he adds, giving an exasperated sigh.

"You don't have to worry about me thanking you," I hiss, eyes narrowed. Hux just snorts before he stands up, wandering over to me. "Eyes up here, dick," I snarl. A small grin lines his lips as he slowly drags his eyes up to my face from my chest. "I knew I didn't have to worry about you," he tells me, head tipping condescendingly. "You know, the Generals said that you'd rise above me. But look at you now," he clicks his tongue. "It'll be glorious watching you burn yourself up." 

My mouth just falls open slightly as he walks away from me, not looking back before the door shuts behind him. Burying my head in my hands, I breathe out, swearing colourfully. After a couple hours of trying to breathe normally, an MD droid enters the room, asking me to lie back down on the bed. I do as it says, too tired to protest, and stare at the ceiling as it peels off the Bacta patches. It informs me that I'll have scars across my body, but I dismiss that with a wave of my hand. 

The droid tells me I need another day of bedrest before it leaves, pushing out the trolley stacked with the medical equipment. When the droid's gone, I slowly stand up on shaky feet. The tiled floor is freezing on my bare skin, and I wrap my arms around myself as I wander over to the sink. Cupping my hands, I gulp down the water, sighing at the freshness of it. 

Straightening my back, I lean against the sink, hands clutching the metal sides. I meet my own eyes in the mirror, looking at the meek girl in front of me. Hux is right. I can't stop burning. I slowly trace the thin gash that weaves its way from my shoulder around my neck. My hair is matted and knotted, ending at my waist. My face is chapped. Eyes lined with red, patchy, rough skin. I lightly touch the glass when my eyes fade into old caramel eyes, wrinkles decorating the aged skin. Han Solo stares back at me, unwavering. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come. He just fades from sight until I'm looking at myself again. 

I turn sharply, unable to look anymore. My heart slips when I see Solo standing in the middle of the room. He doesn't look like he's been in a battle. His hair looks washed, tied back in a half braid. The dirt and blood that streaked across his face is gone, now just milky pale skin. He's wearing a woollen sweater, playing with the hem of his sleeves as he looks at me. 

I don't say anything to him, just lean back against the sink, ignoring as it digs into my lower back. "I gave that to you?" he says slowly, dark eyes dropping to my shoulder and neck. I just nod, instinctively touching the harsh pink line. He swallows, biting his cheek as he nods slowly, gaze dropping. I look down at the tiled floor, the sight of him too much to bare. 

After a couple of moments, the silent air starts to choke me. "I'm...," I start, scared at the way my voice shivers. I sound like a child quietly waking up her parents, scared of the monsters in the dark. "Ben," I breathe, but when I finally look up again, he's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading :) the story will continue in the next work in this series

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make me smile:)


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